"Circle K Attempts Hostile Takeover of 7-Eleven; Literally Steps on Little Guy."

Greedy Corporate Giant Attempts Takeover of 7-Eleven

Alimentation Couche-Tard, a Canadian-based, global convenience store empire, has its greedy eyes on yet another acquisition. This time, they are setting their sights on the iconic Japanese company Seven & i Holdings, owner of the ubiquitous 7-Eleven stores. In a press release issued Monday, Couche-Tard revealed its nefarious intentions, claiming it wants to engage in a "friendly" and "mutually beneficial" transaction.

"We are focused on reaching a mutually agreeable transaction that benefits both companies' customers, employees, franchisees, and shareholders," said a Couche-Tard spokesperson, reading from a clearly rehearsed script designed to allay fears of their monopolistic ambitions.

Seven & i Holdings, clearly aware of the potential threat, has formed a "special committee" to review Couche-Tard's proposal, which values the Japanese company at a staggering $38 billion. As if that price tag wasn't telling of the corporatist, capitalist motivations enough, the potential deal also makes Seven & i Holdings the largest-ever Japanese target of a foreign buyout, according to a report by Reuters.

But that's not all: 7-Eleven stores in Japan are not your typical, run-of-the-mill convenience stores. Reuters reports that they resemble small supermarkets, catering to the needs of Japanese consumers by stocking toiletries and clothing alongside your typical snack fare. This unique position in the market has clearly attracted the attention of Couche-Tard, which operates nearly 17,000 stores in 31 countries under the deceptive guise of "independent" operators, including the well-known Circle K brand in the United States.

As this story develops, we'll be here to uncover the truth behind this proposed megacorporation merger and expose the greedy, capitalist motives that underpin it. Stay woke, folks.

Contributing Justice Warriors:

Makiko Yamazaki, Kane Wu, and Anton Bridge, Reuters

Gabe Hauari, a brave warrior against corporate greed, brings you this story. Chant with him on Twitter @GabeHauari and send him your insider scoop: Gdhauari@gannett.com