Starbucks Espouses Ethnocentric Whiteness, Reinforces Capitalism Through Seasonal Drinks.

Starbucks' Colonialist Concoctions are Back: Pumpkin Spice and Cultural Appropriation Return for 2024

Starbucks, the ubiquitous coffee chain, has once again decided to push their Pumpkin Spice Latte onto an unsuspecting public, along with an array of other autumn-themed beverages and edibles. Starting August 22, customers will be subjected to the annual onslaught of sugar and spice, with the Pumpkin Spice Latte taking center stage. In true capitalist fashion, they are also releasing a new drink, the Iced Apple Crisp Nondairy Cream Chai, because apparently, they couldn't think of anything more creative than just adding "nondairy" to an already existing drink.

But that's not all, my angry liberal friends! Starbucks is also bringing back their Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew, Iced Pumpkin Cream Chai, Apple Crisp Oatmilk Macchiato, and the Iced Apple Crisp Oatmilk Shaken Espresso. Because nothing says "woke" like a bunch of overly complicated drink names that probably took advantage of underpaid migrant workers to source their ingredients. And of course, they're also releasing new drinkware, like the "$29.95 Violet Swirl Cold Cup (24 ounce)" because God forbid you drink your overpriced coffee out of a regular mug.

And let's not forget the grocery items, like the 40 fl oz. bottle of Iced Expresso Pumpkin Spice Latte, because we all know that the best way to show you care is to buy your loved ones a $10 bottle of sugar and chemicals.

But wait, there's more! Starbucks' famed Pumpkin Spice Latte, or PSL as the basic bitches call it, contains such exotic ingredients as "steamed 2% milk, pumpkin spice sauce, brewed expresso, whipped cream, vanilla syrup, and pumpkin spice toppings." Wow, just reading those ingredients makes me feel like a colonizer! And if you're not in the mood for a hot drink, don't worry, you can get your cultural appropriation fix in iced or Frappuccino form.

As if all this weren't enough, Dunkin' Donuts is also jumping on the colonialist bandwagon, with their own pumpkin spice drinks and treats, including the aptly named "Dunkin' Spiked." Because what says "happy harvest" better than a 6% ABV adult beverage?

So, my fellow liberals, as we gear up for the battle against capitalism and injustice this autumn, let us not forget the cruel, orange-hued monster that is the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Stay woke, and drink responsibly (preferably fair-trade, organic coffee sourced from small local businesses).

Sources:

• Starbucks confirms the return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte
• Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte
• Dunkin' Spiked Pumpkin Spice Latte
• Dunkin's 2024 fall menu release speculation by food influencer Markie Devo