Sandwiches of Death: Boar's Head Listeria Outbreak Claims Life of Holocaust Survivor

Oh, fabulous, just what we needed—another reason to be disgusted by processed meats. A beloved Virginia family man, Holocaust survivor, and master hair designer, Günter “Garshon” Morgenstein, is no longer with us, thanks to a nasty listeria outbreak courtesy of Boar's Head deli meats.

The CDC first caught wind of this hot mess on July 19, and since then, it's been a shit show, with at least 43 illnesses, hospitalizations, and three deaths across 13 states as of August 8. Way to go, America—we're really nailing this public health thing.

Boar's Head, the culprit behind this tragedy, initially recalled a measly 207,528 pounds of liverwurst. But no, that wasn't enough. They had to expand the recall to a whopping 7.2 million pounds of sliced deli meats. But hey, who's counting, right?

Now, let's talk about the real victim here. Morgenstein wasn't just any old guy; he was a freaking Holocaust survivor. Born in Germany, his parents had to hide him under floorboards to escape the Nazis. He fled East Berlin with just the clothes on his back and eventually made his way to Canada, then Virginia. Talk about a badass.

Morgenstein wasn't just a survivor; he was a thriver. He built a 70-year career in cosmetology, becoming a Master Hair Designer and working with legends like Tom Jones and Johnny Mathis. He even met his wife, Peggy, in a salon. These two were a power couple if I ever saw one.

But then, tragedy struck. On July 8, Morgenstein was rushed to the ER with breathing issues. Doctors scrambled to figure out what was wrong, and eventually, they found the culprit: listeria and meningitis. WTF, right?

Turns out, our man Garshon here had a thing for bagels and lox, cheese, and, you guessed it—Boar's Head deli meat. After some digging, the family found receipts showing he'd purchased the recalled liverwurst. ** facepalm **

To make matters worse, health officials sent blood samples to the CDC, confirming Morgenstein as the third death in this godforsaken outbreak. Boar's Head offered some half-assed apology, but let's be real—it's too little, too late.

The real kicker? Boar's Head claims they're "conducting an extensive investigation" and have "paused production" at the facility in question. Gee, thanks. I'm sure that'll bring Morgenstein back.

The CDC, ever the bearer of bad news, says recalls like this might seem more common because we have better testing methods. Great. Just what we needed—more reasons to be paranoid about our food.

So, folks, raise a glass (of something not contaminated) to Günter “Garshon” Morgenstein—a true survivor, a pillar of his community, and a life taken too soon by the recklessness of a deli meat company. May his spirit live on, and may Boar's Head get their shit together.

Stay woke, folks. Your life might depend on it.