Oh, For F*ck's Sake! Another Heartbreak from the Patriarchy

So, Sphen, the iconic gay gentoo penguin who made the heteronormative world gasp, has died. The staff and penguins at the Sea Life Sydney Aquarium are reportedly "heartbroken," because apparently, penguins have feelings too, who knew?

On Thursday, the aquarium dropped the bomb: Sphen had left the building. In a devastating display of penguin emotion, Magic, Sphen's partner of 8 years, was taken to Sphen's side for one last goodbye. Magic did what any dramatic widow would do – he burst into fucking song, and the rest of the colony joined in like a goddamn penguin choir, according to Richard Dilly, the aquarium’s general manager. I mean, could this get any more tragically beautiful?

"Sphen and Magic are more than just a beautiful love story – their impact around the world as a symbol of equality is immeasurable," the aquarium said in a statement. Yeah, tell that to the conservatives who still think love is only for straight people.

A Love Story to Shove in the Face of Bigots

Sphen and Magic were dubbed "the penguin power couple," celebrating six glorious years of queer love. They adopted two chicks, Sphengic (Lara) in 2018 and Clancy in 2020, and touched the hearts of many, according to the aquarium's press release. Because, you know, family is family, no matter what species or sexual orientation.

Inspiring the Hell out of Humans

Books like Sphengic, A True Love is Love Story about Family, by Kristy Esson, have been written about these penguin icons. They've been in documentaries, their romance is part of Australia's school curriculum, and they even inspired a Mardi Gras float a few years back. Because representation matters, even if you have feathers.

A Romance That Puts Human Love to Shame

Sphen and Magic were inseparable, even outside of the mating season, which is apparently unusual for gentoo penguins. Sphen, the elder of the two, almost made it to 12, which is like, a century in penguin years. Take that, human longevity!

Pour One Out for Sphen

The aquarium is encouraging fans to leave messages of support or tributes to Sphen on their website. The penguin team will review the messages before posting them, because even in grief, we must be woke AF.

Rest in power, Sphen. May your legacy live on and continue to piss off homophobes everywhere.