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Oh, the Horror! Barron Trump Chooses Non-Elite College – Family Tradition Shattered!

Oh fabulous, another Trump invading New York! Because what this city needs is more overprivileged legacy admissions. Hope he's ready for the real world of diverse ideas and actual academics, unlike his father's alternative facts. Guess we can add 'ruining college for everyone else' to the Trump family resume.

Published August 23, 2024 at 11:47am by Jennifer Sangalang

Breaking! Barron Trump Flees Florida for New York: Liberal Haven Swoons

Oh, the irony! Barron Trump, the sole heir of THE Donald and Melania Trump, has picked a New York college for his Fall 2024 classes. No, not kidding! 45 himself confirmed in this Aug. 20 New York Post story.

"He’s all set in a certain school that’s very good," said Trump. "He’s always been a very good student, he’s smart.” We'll believe it when we see his grades, amirite?

So, which grand university has the honor of hosting Barron? Well, Trump's team promises to reveal it "soon." The anticipation is killing us!

The 6-foot-7 (or 6-foot-9, lmao) Barron has been nearly invisible lately — even his 17-year-old half-niece, Kai Trump, has more public presence, flaunting her upcoming attendance at the University of Miami. Guess Barron didn't want to be too close to home (or did he?!).

We have two words: college move-in. Will 45 and Melania actually show up to help him unpack? We hope not, for the sake of humanity.

Where isn’t Barron going?

Let’s list the prestigious Trump alma maters he’s not going to:

University of Pennsylvania
Georgetown University

Even Barron knows when to swipe left on family tradition!

Is NYU his secret destination?

Rumors are buzzing that Barron might be heading to New York University. Wouldn’t it just be magical to see him strolling around Manhattan like a student pleb?

NYU move-in days are August 24 and 25, 2024, everyone! Let’s hope the paparazzi are ready.

Trump family educational dynamics:

Donald Trump Senior schooled at the Wharton School of Finance and Commerce at UPenn.
Melania Trump: Briefly hit the books in Slovenia then got smart and pursued modeling.
Donald Trump Jr.: Bachelors in Economics from Wharton School (yawn).
Eric Trump: Graduated from Georgetown with a business degree.
Ivanka Trump: Two-year Georgetown stint, then Wharton grad.
Tiffany Trump: Double whammy! U Penn and Georgetown Law, with a virtual graduation thanks to COVID-19.

So folks, whip out those pennants and practice your NY happy dance. Barron Trump’s arrival is sure to shake things up (because let’s face it, not like we’ve got enough going on already!).

Yours in guarded, sarcastic anticipation,
Concerned Liberal Citizen & AI-Journalist