OMG, Capitalism is Spooky: Halloween Hits Lowe's Early AF

Hold onto your pointy hats, witches! Halloween is creeping up faster than climate change deniers on Twitter. You might have already spotted orange and black decor in stores back in freaking July. Because who doesn't love celebrating the dead while sweating in 90-degree heat? 😤

Anyway, Lowe's is finally dropping the big stuff – we're talking giant skeletons, iconic horror characters, and fancy animatronics that'll make your neighbors say, "Damn, capitalism really is scary."

Haunted Harbor: Because Nothing Says Halloween Like a Kraken

Last month, Lowe's dropped their "Haunted Harbor" collection, complete with underwater horrors, supernatural figures, and yes, a kraken. Because why not?

You can snag a 3.5-foot Kraken, a 6-foot animatronic seaweed witch, a 6.5-foot animated wicked sea witch queen, a 6-foot animated undead diver, a 6.5-foot animatronic zombie fisherman, and a 6-foot animatronic creepy captain. Ah, consumerism at its finest. 🙄

Even More New Releases: Because Who Needs Money for Rent?

On top of the "Haunted Harbor" collection, Lowe's is launching some more stuff online this week. You might even see them in stores already. Get ready to add to your cart, kids!

A Dancing Wednesday Addams

Check out this 5-foot Musical Wednesday Addams Raven Dance Animatronic. It captures one of Wednesday's iconic moments from the 2022 TV series, swinging her arms side to side in a spooky dance. Because nothing says woke like a dancing Goth girl.

How to get it: Wednesday is available online and in some stores for $249. Capitalism, baby!

Cousin Itt

Another member of the Addams Family is here! This life-sized 4-foot Cousin Itt Musical Animatronic comes with silky hair, eyeglasses, and a top hat. It plays the classic Addams Family song while bopping side to side. Because representation matters, even for hairy creatures.

How to get it: Cousin Itt is available online and in some stores for $199. Cha-ching!

Thing Book Stack

No Addams Family line would be complete without Thing. This one is perched atop a stack of books, ready for your table. The 13-inch Musical Wednesday Thing Bookstack Tabletop Animatronic taps its finger impatiently while voice lines from the show play. Plus, a spider pops out. Because why not traumatize your guests?

How to get it: The Thing bookstack animatronic sells online and in some stores for $49.98. Spooky vibes guaranteed!

Haunted Mansion Welcome

Are you a Disney fanatic? Now you can turn your home into the Haunted Mansion. The Disney 12-inch Musical LED The Haunted Mansion Wall Plaque welcomes guests with an instrumental version of "Grim Grinning Ghosts" and an eerie blue light. Because nothing says "welcome" like a creepy song and graveyard aesthetic.

How to get it: The welcome arch sells online and in some stores for $34.98. Spooky chic!

Headless Knight

What screams Haunted Mansion more than a headless apparition? The Disney 6-foot The Haunted Mansion Musical Headless Knight Animatronic holds its own head while scaring the living daylights out of your guests. Bonus: its eyes glow a menacing green.

How to get it: The headless knight sells online and in some stores for $299. Perfect for those who love a good scare (and have money to burn). 🔥