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Oh, Perfect! Even Luxury Cars Are Trying to Kill Us Now

Oh, fantastic! Just what we needed — a wonderful opportunity for our beloved BMW and Tesla owners to enjoy a fun little game of "is my car going to spontaneously combust today?" Thanks, NHTSA, for the thrill!

Published August 26, 2024 at 4:30am by Ahjané Forbes


OMG, Capitalism is Literally on Fire: BMW and Tesla Recalls are Lit 🔥

In a stunning display of late-stage capitalism, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) dropped multiple recall bombs last week, including a doozy for over 720,000 BMW vehicles. Why? Oh, just a casual water pump malfunction that might set your car ablaze. No biggie.

Checks if your ride is trying to kill you:

Tesla: When Roof Trim Wants to Be Free

Elon's crew is recalling 9,136 of its 2016 Model X vehicles because, plot twist, the front and spine roof trim might not be properly primed. Translation: Your roof trim might peace out while you're cruising, causing chaos and potentially a crash. Thanks, capitalism!

  • Recalled vehicles: 2016 Model X
  • What now? Tesla service will test and reattach the trim for free. Expect a letter on Oct 14. Call 1-877-798-3752 for deets.
  • NHTSA Report

BMW: left side beam drama & battery blues

Beam Me Up, Scotty – But Not Literally

BMW is recalling 1,150 of its 2024 i4 vehicles (eDrive40, xDrive40, M50) because the left-side longitudinal beam might crack. So, your fancy EV might compromise its battery and catch fire in a crash. Just what we need, more fires!

  • Recalled vehicles: 2024 i4 eDrive40, xDrive40, M50
  • Fix: Dealers will inspect and replace the beam for free. Letters out by Oct 7. Call 1-800-525-7417.
  • NHTSA Report

MINI Cooper SE: Short Circuit City

BMW is also recalling 12,535 of its 2020-2024 MINI Hardtop 2 Door (Cooper SE) EVs due to potential short circuits in the high-voltage system. Because who doesn't love a little electro-fire danger?

  • Recalled vehicles: 2020-2024 MINI Hardtop 2 Door (Cooper SE)
  • Fix: Software update for free. Letters out by Oct 7. Call 1-866-ASK-MINI.
  • NHTSA Report

Water Pump Fiasco

Lastly, BMW is recalling a whopping 720,796 vehicles (2012-2018) for a water pump issue that might also cause a fire. Seriously, why are cars trying to burn us alive?

  • Recalled vehicles: Too many to list. See NHTSA Report.
  • Fix: Dealers will inspect, replace water pump and plug connector, and install a shield for free. Letters out Oct 4. Call 1-800-525-7417.

Stay safe out there, comrades. Don't let your car become a pyrotechnic display.

Ahjané Forbes is a woke warrior on the National Trending Team at USA TODAY, exposing capitalist car fires and more. Email her at aforbes@gannett.com. Follow her radical adventures on Instagram, Threads and X (Twitter) @forbesfineest.

Read more: BMW, Tesla among 743,000 vehicles recalled: Check car recalls here