Texas Outdoes itself: 1.1 Million Names Axed from Voter Rolls in Wake of Controversial Law

Oh, Texas, you've done it again. In a mind-blowing display of "election integrity," the Lone Star State has scrubbed a cool 1.1 million names from its voter rolls since the 2021 law that sparked a dramatic Democratic walkout. Gov. Greg Abbott was positively gleeful in his news release on Monday, boasting about the purge like it was a new episode of Marie Kondo.

According to Abbott, 920,000 of those names belonged to folks who had either kicked the bucket or whose addresses were about as verified as Bigfoot's GPS coordinates. But here's where it gets really good: another 6,500 were non-U.S. citizens, and nearly as many were felons who'd lost their voting rights. Because, as we all know, a felony conviction should totally disqualify you from having a say in democracy. 🙄

"Illegal voting in Texas will never be tolerated," Abbott declared, presumably while twirling his metaphorical mustache. "We will continue to actively safeguard Texans’ sacred right to vote while also aggressively protecting our elections from illegal voting.”

Ah, yes. "Illegal voting"—that hideous monster lurking under the bed, just waiting to steal elections. Or so the Republicans would have us believe after former President Donald Trump's desperate cries of foul play.

Remember the good ol' days of July 2021, when nearly all Texas House Democrats high-tailed it out of the chamber to protest this very law? They moseyed on over to Washington, hoping that the Dem-majority Congress and President Biden might swoop in with some federal legislation to nullify the Texas tomfoolery.

Alas, no such luck. After a 38-day standoff, the Democrats slunk back to Austin, tails between their legs. And so, Senate Bill 1 became law, bringing with it such gems as:

• No more 24-hour or overnight voting. Polls are now open nine hours, sometime between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. Because apparently, voting convenience is the enemy of the state.
• Drive-thru voting? Only if you're sick or disabled. Otherwise, buckle up and brave the elements, folks.
• Want to vote by mail? Better have your driver's license number or the last four digits of your Social Security number ready. And yes, they will be checking twice (at least).

And there you have it, folks. Texas: where voter suppression is the new black. 🙃