Oh Great, the Longhorns are Back 🤯

In a spectacle that can only be described as a burnt-orange extravaganza, the University of Texas has once again been infiltrated by tens of thousands of students. The day started with all the absurd fanfare you'd expect: free ice cream, UT swag, and snacks by the Tower. Because nothing says "welcome back to crippling student debt" like free ice cream. 🍦💰

"Their energy, their enthusiasm, their passion is tremendous," gushed UT President Jay Hartzell, who apparently forgot to mention their tremendous tuition fees. But who's counting, right? Ranked the best public school in Texas by U.S. News & World Report, UT has a whopping 52,000 students and more degrees than you can shake a stick at.

Students were seen wandering around in their finest burnt orange attire, smiling as if they hadn't just signed away the next decade of their lives. "It’s very special … how much people love to be here," said Rifa Momin, a returning sophomore who has clearly been sipping the Longhorn Kool-Aid.

The Class of 2028, selected from a record 73,000 applications, is supposedly the most competitive yet. Jocelynne Salinas, a first-year engineering student, couldn't believe she was officially a college student. "UT has always been the greatest option for me," she said, proving that youthful optimism knows no bounds.

But it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows over the summer. UT made headlines for joining the Southeastern Conference and receiving an $840 million award for semiconductor work. They also unveiled a graduate housing complex and renewed the West Campus Ambassadors program. Party time, right?

Wrong. The university also faced backlash for its handling of pro-Palestinian protests. Administrators pursued disciplinary action against students, and a Faculty Council committee accused them of breaking school rules. But don't worry, President Hartzell is hopeful this year will be a "reset." Because nothing fixes systemic issues like a good old-fashioned "reset." 🔄🙄

Morgan Walz, an undeclared second-year student, was disappointed with the university's response to the protests but decided to stay. "There’s no other opportunity like this," he said, proving that Stockholm syndrome is alive and well at UT.

And let's not forget the recent termination of 49 diversity, equity, and inclusion staff members due to the anti-DEI Senate Bill 17. Kenna Nyuga-Galega, a sophomore studying computer science, was unimpressed. "It's kind of annoying that our school isn't supporting us anymore and we are helping ourselves," she said. But fear not, the student organizations are strong and ready to pick up the slack. 💪💫

So buckle up, folks. It's going to be another thrilling year at UT. Just remember to stay woke, stay angry, and for God's sake, don't let them take your free ice cream. ✊🍦