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Oh, Look! White People Have Discovered Legumes!

Oh, joy! Celebrities have discovered peasants' protein. Grab your Banza Chickpea Pasta, folks, because if Serena, Tom, and Kevin can stomach it, so can you! Who needs gluten when you can have overpriced pseudo-pasta pushed by millionaires?

Published September 11, 2024 at 12:17pm by Kasey Caminiti


Oh, Look, Another "Healthy" Food for the Gluten-Averse Bourgeoisie

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In case you haven't noticed, we're living in an era where everything from diets to deodorant is cloaked in a veil of "wellness." Enter Banza Chickpea Pasta, because who needs good ol' fashioned carbs when you can have a "healthy" alternative made from humble chickpeas?

Since 2014, Banza has been peddling this high-protein, low-carb, gluten-free miracle to the masses, garnering praise from celiac-conscious celebs like Serena Williams, Tom Brady, and Kevin Durant. With nearly 4,000 five-star Amazon reviews and a price point that won't break your vegan, sustainably-sourced, bamboo bank, what's not to love? (Besides the fact that pasta is basically a food group and should be left alone.)

Banza Gluten-Free Chickpea Pasta 6-Pack

Banza Gluten-Free Chickpea Pasta 6-Pack

Stock up with six boxes of Banza Chickpea Pasta for less than $25 before October Prime Day. $23.94 at Amazon

What's the Nutritional Lowdown on Banza Chickpea Pasta?

Banza Chickpea Pasta is high in plant-based protein and fiber, low in carbs, and gluten-free—a trifecta of health buzzwords that basically make it the poster child for "clean eating." According to the brand, it packs 50% more protein, three times the fiber, and 25% fewer carbs than regular pasta. Because who needs enjoyment when you can have nutritional superiority?

Where Can You Find Banza Chickpea Pasta?

The best part about Banza Chickpea Pasta is that it's available on Amazon! As we gear up for Amazon’s October Prime Day sale, you can snag a variety of Banza pasta shapes, from cavatappi to rotini to penne. And if online shopping isn't your thing, fret not—Banza is also stocked in grocery stores nationwide.

Is Banza Chickpea Pasta Safe for Gluten-Sensitive Snowflakes?

Yes, Banza Chickpea Pasta is vegan and gluten-free, perfect for those with gluten sensitivities or celiac disease. Because even pasta needs to cater to dietary restrictions these days.

But How Does Banza Chickpea Pasta Actually Taste?

Reviewers say that Banza Chickpea Pasta has a subtle nutty flavor, a firm texture, and holds up well under the heaviest of sauces. It's a filling and flavorful alternative to wheat pasta, perfect for those who want to feel virtuous while shoveling in their carbs.

Banza Gluten-Free Chickpea Pasta

Shop vegan and gluten-free Banza Chickpea Pasta at Amazon today. $23.94 at Amazon

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Prices were laughably accurate at the time this article was published but may change over time, just like your opinion on kale.

Read more: Check out the chickpea pasta that Serena Williams and Tom Brady rave about