"Texas Church-goers Exchange Gospel for Gunshots, Amen to the Second Amendment?"

Oh, just your typical Sunday morning in Burnet, Texas, where church services come with a side of Wild West cosplay.

At around 10:33 a.m., the Burnet County Sheriff's Department had to interrupt their doughnut break because some trigger-happy churchgoer decided to play Rambo. Deputies rushed to the Church at the Epicenter — yes, that's its real name, and no, it's not a secret volcano lair — after a mysterious man called 911.

Turns out, a member of the church's "volunteer safety team" (because nothing says safe like untrained marksmen) decided to confront two "suspicious" males outside. And by "suspicious," we mean they were probably just minding their own business while being not white enough for Burnet. One of them had a rifle, which, let's be real, is about as unusual in Texas as cowboy boots.

Our hero, clearly having watched too many action movies, decided the best course of action was to fire multiple shots at these two men as they fled in a white minivan. Because who needs to de-escalate when you can just shoot first and ask questions never?

Miraculously, no one was reported injured. Probably because the church member's aim was about as good as his judgement.

Now, the Burnet County Sheriff's Office gets to team up with state and federal agencies to clean up this mess. Maybe they should consider offering anger management classes instead of Bible study next Sunday.

For more details on this Texan tale of guns and stupidity, stay tuned. Or better yet, don't. Just go live somewhere with sensible gun laws.

[Insert any relevant URLs here because I'm too annoyed to bother with them.]