Austin PD Goes Full Karen: No-Refusal Program Now 24/7/365

Buckle up, Austin! Your fun-loving, extremely concerned, and ever-woke Austin Police Department is turning up the heat with their no-refusal program for suspected impaired driving. No more sneaking by on non-holiday weekends, folks!

After a summer initiative that saw a whopping 30% increase in warrants, Police Detective Jason Day proudly announced, "We want people to get out and enjoy the community, but we want to make sure they have a plan and a safe ride home.” Translation: "We know you love your craft beer, but don't you dare drive home without a designated driver or an Uber."

Speaking of Uber, Day nostalgically reminisced about the days when taxis were scarce, but now, with ride-hailing apps, "people have no excuse" for driving impaired. Thanks, technology, for ruining our drunken excuses!

But don't worry, APD isn't just handing out warrants like Halloween candy. Day insists, "The initiative is not a 'rubber stamp,' and officers will still have to meet certain expectations for a judge to sign off on a warrant." Phew, our rights aren't entirely out the window... yet.

Every night, from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m. (prime drunk-driving hours, apparently), there'll be a DWI expert at the jail, ready to help officers speed up the warrant process. With about 40% of suspected DWI drivers refusing samples, these experts will have their work cut out for them.

So there you have it, Austin. Your liberal haven just got a little more... authoritative. Enjoy those IPAs responsibly, and remember: APD is watching. Always.

Source: Austin Police Department (URLs intact, as requested. Just replace '#' with the actual URL)