ACL Showdown: Chris Stapleton vs Blink-182 - A Tale of Two Americas

Oh, the drama! Last Friday, Zilker Park morphed into a musical battleground, split into thirds. Picture this:

🤰 One end: Blink-182 dishing out bratty, throwback Warped Tour vibes. Middle ground: Parents clutching pearls over Blink's potty mouth. Far end: Chris Stapleton serving classy, Stagecoach realness with cowboy boots swaying. 🤠

I first heard Stapleton's "Tennessee Whiskey" on a freaking Royal Caribbean cruise. Thought it was a Motown classic. Live? Grandiose, vintage, and earnestly fearless. His recordings? Meh, canned, dry, too polished—like a mountainous car commercial. But on stage? Technical magic, sternly plucked Fenders, and his powerhouse wife, Morgane Stapleton, harmonizing like a dream. 🎸💜

Meanwhile, Blink-182 was... Blink-182. Bassist Mark Hoppus rocked a Franklin Barbecue shirt. Travis Barker slayed the drums. Tom DeLonge went on about UFOs. "Guess what? UFOs are real!" he declared. groundbreaking. Also, Jared Padalecki was there, being all famous and taking selfies. 🛸📸

Back to Stapleton—he belted out barnburners, one soulful, husky banger after another. "I’m in love with you," he sang, and it echoed all night. Someone begged for the national anthem. He politely declined but admitted, "I love America, too." Smooth. 🇺🇸💕

Stapleton keeps his politics mysterious, yet he's universally loved. Even admires Beyoncé's live show. "It’s a big show... but at the core of it, it’s just her singing her [expletive] off,” he told GQ. Truth. 👸🎤

He played "Millionaire," asked about truck drivers, and sang an acoustic singalong. Fireworks shot off during "Cold," but Stapleton held the crowd like a rooster at dawn. Covered "Free Bird" and made everyone dance to "You Should Probably Leave." Warm as a glass of brandy. 🍹

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Blink-182's set was a hot mess of pyrotechnics, lasers, and onstage banter. "My wife offered me sex, but I said no to save energy for the show," Hoppus shared. Classy. DeLonge chimed in, "You can’t let your wiggle out before the show." Poetic. 🔥💥

They played the classics—"First Date," "All the Small Things," and "What’s My Age Again?" Ended with "Dammit" and a montage of old band footage. Adorable. 🤘

Catch them tonight:

• Chris Stapleton on the Honda Stage at 8:30 p.m.
• Blink-182 on the American Express Stage at 8:10 p.m.

Choose wisely, Austin. ✌️ — Your Woke, Liberal, Sarcastic Correspondent