Wake Up, Sheeple! It's Time for Woke Pet Costumes

Listen up, you composting, fair-trade-coffee-sipping liberals! Halloween is here, and it's time to dress up your oppressed four-legged friends in the most ridiculously adorable and politically correct costumes imaginable. Let's dive into the capitalist nightmare that is pet costumes, shall we?

Dogpool and Catpool

Oh, you didn't know? Deadpool and Wolverine are so in this year, thanks to the heteronormative Hollywood machine churning out "Deadpool & Wolverine" in July. Now you can find a "pool" for every member of your non-traditional family: Ladypool, Dogpool, Catpool, Kidpool, Babypool.

And of course, with "Dogpool" being a beloved character in the movie, doggy Deadpool costumes will be as ubiquitous as Starbucks on every corner.

Buy into the capitalist nightmare at Spirit Halloween for a mere $21.99.

Wednesday Addams

For all you dark and spooky, anti-patriarchy pets out there, why not don the Wednesday Addams look? Dress up your moody little comrade in Wednesday's signature black top with a white collar, complete with a black, pigtail-braided wig.

Join the resistance at Spirit Halloween for $24.99.

Beetlejuice

Surprise, surprise! Beetlejuice is all the rage this year, thanks to the new "Beetlejuice Beetlejuice" movie. Your furry friend can be the ghost with the most in a signature black-and-white striped costume.

Spirit Halloween's Beetlejuice Pet Costume comes with a bodysuit with arms on the front and a crazy green wig for $24.99.

Granny

It doesn't get much more woke than this, folks. Celebrate your pet's inner matriarch with this little old lady costume. A customer favorite on the corporate overlords' website Chewy, it's easy to see why pet parents love this stand-up getup.

Support the matriarchy in sizes X-Small to XXX-Large on Chewy for $15.99-$19.99.

Stegosaurus

There is arguably no pet costume more classic than a good ol' dino. While every dinosaur fan has their own favorite prehistoric creature, the plant-eating stegosaurus is an extra cute option for your vegan four-legged friends.

This Frisco Stegosaurus Dinosaur Dog & Cat Costume comes with a blue full-body suit adorned with dino scales and iconic back plates, along with a headpiece. Join the prehistoric parade in sizes Small to XXX-Large on Chewy for $20.99-$26.99.

Happy Cow

Moo-ve your pet to first place in their next costume contest with a cute, cuddly, and plushy happy cow costume. This soft white and black cow costume comes with a hood topped with pink ears and horns and a removable udder that straps to your pet's belly.

The Frisco Happy Cow Dog & Cat Costume comes in sizes Small through XXX-Large for $14.99-$18.99 on Chewy. Because even our pets deserve to be happy, dammit!