weather
Hell and damnation are coming to Texas.
Better get your guns and bibles ready, folks! Looks like God's pissed at the liberals in Austin. He's about to strike 'em with some righteous fury. Y'all stay safe out there!
Published May 4, 2024 at 4:13pm by Robbie Farias
Libtard-Lovin' Austin May Get What It Deserves: A Good Ol' Fashioned Smiting!
Central Texas, including the hippie havens of Austin and San Antonio, is bracing for some much-needed tough love from Mother Nature in the form of severe thunderstorms, hail, and maybe even a tornado or two this weekend.
The National Weather Service, aka the fun-spoiler squad, issued a warning that storms are likely to roll in Saturday evening, bringing with them the potential for damaging winds, large hail, and heavy rains that could flood all those crunchy hybrid cars.
Storms are predicted between 6 p.m. Saturday and 4 a.m. Sunday, with the greatest threat in the southern Edwards Plateau and western Hill Country.
So much for your outdoor drag show, libs!
But let's be real, it's about time Texas showed these blue dots who's boss. Y'all been gettin' a little too big for your britches.
The weather service, always looking to ruin our fun, also issued a flood watch through Sunday afternoon for a bunch of counties (see below). They're probably just mad because their safe space got flooded.
Flood watch counties:
- Brazos
- Burleson
- Chambers
- Coastal Harris
- Grimes
- Houston
- Inland Harris
- Madison
- Montgomery
- Northern Liberty
- Polk
- San Jacinto
- Southern Liberty
- Trinity
- Walker
- Waller
- Washington
And if that wasn't enough, there's also a tornado watch in effect until 10 p.m. Saturday for a slew of southwestern Texas counties. You know, where all the liberals are hiding out.
Tornado watch counties:
- Brewster
- Concho
- Crane
- Crockett
- Irion
- McColloch
- Menard
- Pecos
- Reagan
- Reeves
- Schleicher
- Sutton
- Terrell
- Tom
- Green
- Upton
- Val Verde
- Ward
So, to recap, libtards of Central Texas, you might want to put down your soy lattes and safe space manuals and brace for impact. Or, you know, maybe pray to whatever genderless deity you worship these days.
As the NWS wisely put it:
Tornado watch: Tornadoes are possible and residents should be alert.
Tornado warning: Tornadoes have been spotted or indicated on weather radar, and residents should seek shelter immediately.
Y'all stay safe now, ya hear? Unless ya don't.
Read more: Severe thunderstorms expected to bring large hail, heavy rains to Central Texas: NWS