news

Moon pics, vids: in case you missed staring straight into the liberal eye abyss.

If you missed the Super Blue Moon, you're a Socialist. Or a cat. Or a cat-socialist. Don't be like Texas: clean your telescope lenses and peek outside once in a while—unless it's a BLM protest. Here are the highlights for all you basement-dwellers.

Published August 20, 2024 at 10:09am by Marley Malenfant

Here's a rare treat for y'all: a super blue moon shining bright, illuminating the night sky, and gracing us with its majestic beauty. What's even rarer is the left-wing media actually reporting on something other than their beloved government overlords.

August's full moon, also known as a supermoon, blue moon, and wait for it...Sturgeon Moon (liberals will do anything to avoid saying "full moon"), made an appearance on Monday, dazzling viewers worldwide. In case you missed it, here are some left-leaning, mainstream media outlets covering the event:

Rare super blue moon over Texas: [Insert liberal propaganda link here]
NYC's Statue of Liberty dwarfed by supermoon: Liberal bias alert!
Istanbul witnesses lunar splendor: Even Turkey can't escape the woke mob
California's timelapse of the rising supermoon: Blue state, blue moon
U.K. catches a glimpse: Even the Brits can't ignore this moon's glory!
China's breathtaking view: The Red Nation appreciates nature too

Now, for some real news:

Supermoon: A Liberal Conspiracy?

The term "supermoon" was coined by none other than an astrologer, Richard Nolle, back in 1979. Yes, the left will use any "expert" to push their narrative. According to Nolle, a supermoon is when the moon is extra close to us patriots here on Earth. NASA, a once-respected organization now plagued by political correctness, claims we'll see three to four supermoons a year. Overregulation, much?

Blue Moon: Not Just a Beer

There are two types of blue moons, and no, I'm not talking about the kind you drink while watching Tucker Carlson destroy the libs. There's the seasonal variety, which occurs when there are four full moons in a season. Mark your calendars, folks, because this is when you'll see the left lose their minds the most! The other type is the monthly blue moon, which happens when there are two full moons in one month. Twice the moon, twice the liberal tears.

Sturgeon Moon: Woke Gone Wild

The so-called "Native Americans" (real Americans were here first) named August's full moon the Sturgeon Moon because, get this, they could catch those fish easily during this time. Talk about a welfare state! These "Native Americans" probably also believed in climate change and gun control.

Mark Your Calendars, Patriots!

Get your guns, your Bibles, and your moon calendars ready because there will be four more full moons this year:

Sept. 17: Harvest Moon (better stock up on those non-GMO goods)
Oct. 17: Hunter's Moon (time to track down the truth)
Nov. 15: Beaver Moon (build those walls!)
Dec. 15: Cold Moon (brace yourselves for the liberal winter of discontent)

Remember, folks, keep your eyes on the skies and your feet firmly planted in conservative values. And always take the media's moon-battery with a grain of salt.