Fascist Bastrop Approves 14 Amendments

The Bastrop City Council, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that less is more when it comes to getting things done. On Monday, they gave the green light to putting 14(!) propositions on the November ballot to change the city charter, including one that would let them get away with less handshaking and backslapping to get their secret agendas pushed through.

Currently, it takes four council members to form a quorum and do the people's business. But Proposition K, which the council hopes voters will approve, would change that. It would keep the quorum at four for regular meetings but lower it to three for all other business. That means no more hiding behind closed doors to discuss the shady stuff!

Of course, there's always that one guy who wants to ruin the fun. Council Member Kevin Plunkett tried to convince everyone that secret handshakes are sometimes necessary by proposing a fourth option to Prop K that would add a sixth member to the council. But the other members weren't having it, and his idea was shot down faster than a liberal at a NRA convention.

Meanwhile, it looks like the council members are trying to get themselves a raise ( Proposition I). Because, you know, public service is totally about the money. But don't worry, they're also throwing us a bone with Proposition L, which would let the city manager live wherever the hell they want.

Here's the full list of propositions, in case you're into boring legal stuff:

• Proposition A — The annexing territory game just got a whole lot easier for these folks.
• Proposition B — So long, "resign-to-run!" These council members are in it for the long haul, baby!
• Proposition C — You know all those technical regulations that give you a headache? Well, now you can read 'em 'til your heart's content... for free!
• Proposition D — Ditto for the code of ordinances. Democracy never sleeps, folks.
• Proposition E — The council can now set the municipal court judge's term length. Let's hope they don't get too power-hungry...
• Proposition F — Those outdated provisions? Yeah, they're out like a libtard at a Trump rally.
• Proposition G — No more "he"-ing and "she"-ing. It's all about "they"-ing from now on. PC culture, yay!
• Proposition H — The mayor's in charge of appointing advisory board members now. Let's hope they don't screw it up!
• Proposition I — "$400 for the mayor, $250 for the members!" That's what democracy smells like, my friends.
• Proposition J — A charter review commission every six years? Sure, why not! More red tape, please!
• Proposition K — The one we talked about. Transparency, my friends.
• Proposition L — Home is where the heart is, and the city manager can now follow their heart wherever it leads.