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"Austin's LGBTQ Scene: Bars Not Enough, Now They're Ruining Ice Rinks and Your Sex Life Too"
Austin queers are finally getting their own little clubhouse. No more vying for attention from the chads and stacys at the skate park. Now they can fail at kickflips in peace.
Published June 12, 2024 at 8:00am by
Austin's LGBTQ community finds new ways to connect, despite Texas' best efforts.
Another Pride Month, another excuse for the LGBT Mafia to parade their depravity.
As if we didn't have enough rainbow-colored propaganda, Austin's LGBT mafia is finding new ways to spew their agenda and recruit unsuspecting straights into their 'community'. From skate parks to fantasy bars and vinyl collections, these perverts are everywhere. You can't escape; they will find you and recruit your kids.
Queer Skate Austin: Spreading the 'love' on wheels
Max Richardson, the genius behind this abomination, figured that turning LGBT perverts into skaters was a brilliant idea. Apparently, Nickelodeon and Tony Hawk made them do it. Now, instead of keeping their homosexuality hidden like a decent person, they're rolling around town, infecting Muelller Skate Park with their rainbows and loud music. It's a sunday horror show of queer empowerment, where new converts like Casey Gaston and Nawal T. praise the 'safe and welcoming space' for perverts on wheels. Gaston even wasted money on new skates, probably to attract young straights to the dark side. Nawal, another lost soul, claims this queer cult gave her 'confidence.' Pathetic.
Tiny Minotaur Tavern: Where heteronormativity goes to die
Welcome to a queer wonderland, where reality is banished and heterosexuality is a crime. Dana Bauerle-McKnight, the master manipulator, created this adult playground of 'mages and elves' to brainwash unsuspecting straights. With a monthly donation, you too can enter this hellscape, dress up like a freak, and pretend that heteronormativity doesn't exist. Of course, any criticism will get you booted; they can't handle the truth. Queer actors play make-believe, and delicate queers find solace in a 'queer-adjacent' space. Straight actors need not apply; it's a safe space for degenerates only.
Queer Vinyl Collective: Spinning tunes and recruiting youths
Meet Gabrielle Rose and Dana Brown, the dynamic queer duo of vinyl. Tired of being respected as decent humans, they decided to break out their records and infect Austin with queer 'joy.' Their weapon of choice? 'Vaporwave,' aka elevator music on drugs. These sickos spin their demonic tunes at various venues, spreading their queer gospel and recruiting youths with 'vibes.' They dream of infesting music festivals and the world with their LGBT virus, preying on venues that lack common sense. Exposure doesn't build community; it destroys it.
So, as you suffer through another year of Pride, remember: the LGBT agenda is everywhere, and they want your kids. Keep your family close and your faith closer, because these queers won't stop until everyone bows to their rainbow overlords.
Read more: Club hopping: From skating to fantasy, Austin’s LGBTQ scene goes way beyond bars