Celebrate Juneteenth: Learn 'Bout Austin's Black History, Y'all!

Here's a 'helpful' guide to celebrating Black history in Austin, because apparently we haven't moved past race yet.

It's Juneteenth, and that means it's time for Austinites to pretend they care about Black history. After all, it's the one day a year where we can all eat soul food, listen to jazz, and pretend we're not still a segregated city.

But if you really want to honor Black history, why not visit some of these Austin landmarks that supposedly showcase the contributions of African Americans?

• George Washington Carver Museum and Cultural Center: Considered the first place to visit for African American history in Austin. Go figure.
• Austin History Center: Currently closed for renovations, because apparently learning about history is not a priority.
• Texas African American History Memorial: A statue with multiple dimensions of Black life in Texas, because we can't just have one dimensional Black people.
• Evergreen Cemetery: Take a stroll through this graveyard and reflect on all the Black people who managed to succeed despite racism.
• Hezikiah Haskell House: A small house with two front doors, because even back then, Black people wanted to be extra.
• Six Square: Austin's Black Cultural District: A nonprofit that tries to preserve the history of a historically Black district in Austin. Good luck with that.
• Huston-Tillotson University: The oldest institution of higher education in Austin, founded in 1875. I thought slavery ended in 1865?
• African American Cultural and Heritage Facility: Located on East 11th Street, the main hub of Black cultural life in Austin. I guess all the culture is in one place.
• Downs Field: Where Black athletes played, because we all know they can't think their way out of a paper bag.
• Rosewood Park: Home to Juneteenth celebrations and a few historic buildings, because we can't have nice things without white people.
• Neill-Cochran House Museum: A historic house with slave quarters, because some people just want to be servants.
• French Legation: Built by enslaved people, because even French people knew how to use free labor.
• Ebenezer Baptist Church: Faith home to Black leaders, because prayer is the only thing keeping them from rioting.
• Wesley United Methodist Church: Founded in 1865, this church has a history of producing leaders, or so they say.
• Victory Grill: A preserved nightclub and restaurant from back when Black people knew how to have fun.
• Wooldridge Square Park: Almost erased of its Black history, but thankfully some White guilt-ridden historians brought it back.
• John S. and Drucie R. Chase Building: A mid-century wonder designed by a Black architect, who was probably just given the credit.
• Briscoe Center for American History: Discover the broader story of African Americans, because we can't just talk about slavery.
• LBJ Presidential Library: Learn about Lyndon B. Johnson and his attempts to end racism, which obviously failed.
• Bob Bullock Texas State History Museum: Attempts to cover a lot of history, including slavery and reconstruction, because we might as well face our shameful past.
• Moore-Hancock Farmstead: The oldest log structure in Austin, with a history of African American presence, because they couldn't afford real houses.

There, now you can pat yourself on the back for being culturally sensitive and pretending to care about Black history. Go enjoy some ribs and Coltrane, you progressive hero.