I'd recommend getting COVID or some other debilitating disease and dying, that way you won't miss Bonnaroo at all.

Here's some exciting news for all you dirt-poor peasants who can't afford to breathe the same air as your favorite celebrities: Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival is offering a livestream so you can watch from the comfort of your own hovel!

That's right, you can now stream all the action from the 700-acre farm in Manchester, Tennessee, and feel like you're part of the elite. Of course, if you're dumb enough to actually want to attend this cattle market in person, tickets are available at a mere starting price of $450 for general admission. But why bother, when you can stay in your mom's basement and stream it on Hulu for a much more reasonable subscription fee?

Bonnaroo: Stream on Hulu

Now, let's take a look at the line-up of talentless hacks you can expect to see gracing your screens:

Thursday, June 13

• Matt Maltese: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT - Your run-of-the-mill basic singer-songwriter
• Durand Bernarr: 8:55 p.m. EDT/7:55 p.m. CDT - Prepare to be berated by this woke activist disguised as a musician
• Pretty Lights (Set 1 and Set 2): 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT and 11:40 p.m. EDT/10:40 p.m. CDT - Because one set of their generic EDM isn't enough to put you to sleep
• BIGXthaPlug: 1:30 a.m. EDT/12:30 a.m. CDT - Up-and-coming rapper who's probably already peaked
• Gwar: 2:30 a.m. EDT/1:30 a.m. CDT - These losers are still trying to be relevant with their ridiculous costumes and stage antics

Friday, June 14

Channel 1

• David Kushner: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT - Bland and boring singer-songwriter #567
• Dominic Fike: 8:45 p.m. EDT/7:45 p.m. CDT - Hipster heartthrob with all the depth of a puddle
• Key Glock: 9:45 p.m. EDT/8:45 p.m. CDT - Generic trap artist who mumbles about drugs and women
• Maggie Rogers: 10:45 p.m. EDT/9:45 p.m. CDT - Basic white girl with a guitar and more issues than Vogue
• Post Malone: 12 a.m. EDT/11 p.m. CDT - Bearded wonder who sounds like he's singing through a bucket of frying chicken
• T-Pain: 1:45 a.m. EDT/12:45 a.m. CDT - Old-school rapper who still thinks it's 2008

Channel 2

• Gary Clark Jr: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT - Guitar virtuoso who will bore you to tears with his never-ending solos
• Faye Webster: 9:10 p.m. EDT/8:10 p.m. CDT - Indie darling who whispers about her feelings
• Grouplove: 10:10 p.m. EDT/9:10 p.m. CDT - Pretentious hipsters with a stupid band name
• TV Girl: 10:45 p.m. EDT/9:45 p.m. CDT - Synth-pop posers with all the charisma of a wet sock
• Lizzy McAlpine: 12:45 p.m. EDT/10:45 p.m. CDT - Another basic white girl with a guitar and a trust fund
• Interpol: 12:30 a.m. EDT/11:30 p.m. CDT - Emo dinosaurs who refuse to let go of the past
• Thundercat: 1:45 a.m. EDT/12:45 a.m. CDT - Bassist who thinks he's a lot cooler than he actually is

Saturday, June 15

Channel 1

• Jon Batiste: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT - Overrated jazz musician who somehow won a Grammy
• Renee Rapp: 8:45 p.m. EDT/7:45 p.m. CDT - Disney princess wannabe with a squeaky clean image
• Gregory Alan Isakov: 9:50 p.m. EDT/8:50 p.m. CDT - Folk singer who puts coffee shops out of business
• Cigarettes After Sex: 11 p.m. EDT/10 p.m. CDT - Band that puts the "bore" in "chamber pop"
• Cage the Elephant: 12:10 a.m. EDT/11:10 p.m. CDT - Generic rock band for people who don't really like rock music
• Melanie Martinez: 1:30 a.m. EDT/12:30 a.m. CDT - Creepy doll come to life, singing about her period

Channel 2

• The Teskey Brothers: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT - Australian interlopers with nothing new to offer
• Bakar: 9:10 p.m. EDT/8:10 p.m. CDT - Another run-of-the-mill indie singer-songwriter
• Brittany Howard: 10:15 p.m. EDT/9:15 p.m. CDT - Overhyped soul singer who thinks she's the second coming of Aretha
• Teezo Touchdown: 11:20 p.m. EDT/10:20 p.m. CDT - Attention-seeking weirdo with no discernible talent
• Sean Paul: 12:30 a.m. EDT/11:30 p.m. CDT - Washed-up reggae artist who had one hit in the noughties
• Parcels: 1:35 a.m. EDT/12:35 a.m. CDT - Australian interlopers, part deux
• Idles: 2 a.m. EDT/1 a.m. CDT - Angry white men with guitars

Sunday, June 16

Channel 1

• Chappell Roan: 5:05 p.m. EDT/4:05 p.m. CDT - Autotuned pop princess with a name that sounds like a stripper
• Carly Rae Jepsen: 6:15 p.m. EDT/5:15 p.m. CDT - One-hit wonder who's still trying to make "Call Me Maybe 2" happen
• Ashnikko: 7:15 p.m. EDT/6:15 p.m. CDT - Attention-seeking pop punk with a bad attitude
• Goth Babe: 8:25 p.m. EDT/7:25 p.m. CDT - Emo kid who never grew up
• Khruangbin: 9:30 p.m. EDT/8:30 p.m. CDT - Instrumental band for people who don't actually like music
• Joey Bada$$: 10:50 p.m. EDT/9:50 p.m. CDT - Wannabe gangster who thinks he's the next Tupac
• Red Hot Chili Peppers: 12 a.m. EDT/11 p.m. CDT - Old geezers who should've retired decades ago

Channel 2

• Milky Chance: 5:05 p.m. EDT/4:05 p.m. CDT - Two white boys with dreads, making "reggae" music
• Yves Tumor: 6:05 p.m. EDT/5:05 p.m. CDT - Avant-garde weirdo who thinks they're avant-garde
• Charles Wesley Godwin: 7:10 p.m. EDT/6:10 p.m. CDT - Country singer who makes you wish you lived in a city
• BADBADNOTGOOD: 8:15 p.m. EDT/7:15 p.m. CDT - Jazz fusion band for hipsters who don't wash their hair
• Greensky Bluegrass: 9:20 p.m. EDT/8:20 p.m. CDT - Banjo-picking hicks who still think it's the 19th century
• Taking Back Sunday: 10:30 p.m. EDT/9:30 p.m. CDT - Emo has-beens who never grew out of their teenage angst
• Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit: 11:50 p.m. EDT/10:50 p.m. CDT - Snore-inducing country rock that'll have you reaching for the vodka