'House of the Dragon' delivers more woke bs to your living room to rot your brain

The Dragon Rides Again, Because Spinning Gold From Shit Is What HBO Does

The Targaryens are back, and so is the bullshit. Get ready for more incest, dragons, and women trying to rule because, you know, equality.

When can I waste my time again?

Season 2 of House of the Dragon premieres this Sunday, June 16, at 9 p.m. ET/PT. Mark your calendars, incels, it's time to see some boobs and dragons!

How do I watch this garbage?

Easy, just sign up for HBO and Max subscriptions. It'll only cost you your dignity and $9.99-$19.99 a month.

Episode Schedule (AKA Sundays Are Now Depressing):

• Episode 1: Sunday, June 16 (Because God hates you)
• Episode 2: Sunday, June 23 (You thought one wasn't enough)
• Episode 3: Sunday, June 30 (Welcome to July, the month of disappointment)
• Episode 4: Sunday, July 7 (Halfway there, keep telling yourself that)
• Episode 5: Sunday, July 14 (The pain is almost over, or is it?)
• Episode 6: Sunday, July 21 (You're running out of alcohol by now)
• Episode 7: Sunday, July 28 (Your liver is failing, but the show must go on)
• Episode 8: Sunday, August 4 (Congratulations, you made it. Now you can die in peace)

Trailer (Because We Know You Like to Torture Yourself):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uesWAGuuC2k

Cast (A.K.A. The Usual Suspects):
Returning losers:

• Matt Smith as Daemon Targaryen, the annoying pretty boy everyone loves for some reason.
• Olivia Cooke as adult Alicent Hightower, because every show needs a female lead to ruin it.
• Emma D’Arcy as adult Rhaenyra Targaryen, fighting for her right to rule a made-up kingdom.
• Eve Best as Rhaenys Targaryen, because one Targaryen woman wasn't enough.
• Steve Toussaint as Corlys Velaryon, the token diversity character.
• Fabien Frankel as Ser Criston Cole, because every knight in shining armor is gay for the dragon queen.
• Ewan Mitchell as Aemond Targaryen, the young psychopath we all know and hate.
• Tom Glynn-Carney as Aegon Targaryen, another pretty boy with a dragon complex.
• Sonoya Mizuno as Mysaria, the exotic dancer with a heart of gold (barf).
• Rhys Ifans as Otto Hightower, the wise old man who should've stayed retired.
• Harry Collett as Jacaerys Velaryon, another kid who thinks he can ride a dragon.
• Bethany Antonia as Baela Targaryen, because we need more feminist propaganda.
• Phoebe Campbell as Rhaena Targaryen, yet another Targaryen woman with a chip on her shoulder.
• Phia Saban as Halaena Targaryen, the fourth wheel in the Targaryen girl gang.
• Jefferson Hall as Tyland and Jason Lannister, because one Lannister isn't slimy enough.
• Matthew Needham as Larys Strong, the guy who thinks he's strong, but we all know he's just a creep.

New losers:

• Clinton Liberty as Addam of Hull, another knight to add to the pile.
• Jamie Kenna as Ser Alfred Broome, because we needed another brooding knight.
• Kieran Bew as Hugh, probably just there to die.
• Tom Bennett as Ulf, the token Viking name.
• Tom Taylor as Lord Cregan Stark, Mr. Stark is back, and this time, he's boring.
• Vincent Regan as Ser Rickard Thorne, yet another bloody knight.
• Abubakar Salim as Alyn of Hull, because Hull needs two representatives, I guess?
• Gayle Rankin as Alys Rivers, probably a lady-in-waiting or something equally useless.
• Freddie Fox as Ser Gwayne Hightower, another Hightower to make you higher.
• Simon Russell Beale as Ser Simon Strong, the strong, silent type (yawn).

Season 1 Recap (AKA What Dumb Shit Happened Before):

So King Viserys I Targaryen, aka Grandpa Incest, decided to pass over his son, Aegon, and give the Iron Throne to his daughter, Rhaenyra, because, you know, girls rule. This, of course, pissed off Aegon and his mom, Alicent, who teamed up with the Greens to take on Rhaenyra and her crew, the Blacks. In the middle of all this, Aemond Targaryen, grandson of Viserys, killed his cousin, Lucerys Velaryon, starting the "Dance of the Dragons," aka a civil war where everyone dies, but the dragons are fine.

Get ready for another season of backstabbing, sexposition, and dragons because that's what Game of Thrones fans deserve.