Austin's Golden Fry: The Hunt for Least Shitty Fries

Austin American-Statesman Embarks on Futile Quest for City's Best Fries, Apparently Completely Missing the Point

The American-Statesman has truly outdone itself this time, deciding to embark on the most important and groundbreaking investigative journalism of our time: finding the best fries in Austin. Yes, in a city known for its vibrant food scene and culinary innovations, they've opted to waste everyone's time by searching for the ultimate side dish.

Waffle fries, French fries, curly fries, potato wedges... who cares?

The options for good fries in Austin are endless. But let's be real, with all the gourmet dishes and food trucks everywhere, who has time to care about some greasy potatoes?

As if Austin didn't have enough hipster eateries and overpriced restaurants, the paper has taken it upon itself to crown the winner of the "best fries" title. Because, you know, that's what we need in a city where people struggle to afford rent and the traffic is a living nightmare.

"Let the best fries win"? More like, let the Austinites lose their minds.

Whether you prefer your fries thin and crispy, or seasoned and soft, who gives a crap? Austin's foodies and tourists have more important things to worry about, like standing in line for hours to get into the latest avocado toast pop-up or overpriced artisanal coffee shop.

But hey, when you're done voting for your favorite deep-fried spud, take a break and try your luck with the USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle. Because nothing says intellectual stimulation quite like word games and fried potatoes.

And if you're one of those unfortunate souls who can't see the goddamn poll, click here to cast your meaningless vote. May the best fry reign supreme, I guess?