entertainment

"Mighty Fine Cousins Bring Their Tiny Dicks to Drippin' Spring Breakers."

Tc4 & Co. owns every sh*tty restaurant in Austin. From Tony C's Coal-Fired Pizza (because who doesn't want their pizza tasting like it was cooked by a coal miner?) to Tony C's Pizza & Beer Garden (because what says "garden" better than pizza and beer?), and let's not forget Mighty Fine Burgers Fries & Shakes, because who doesn't love a good ol' heart attack on a plate? So, if you're ever in Austin and feel like your taste buds deserve punishment, Tc4 & Co. is your one-stop shop for mediocrity. Bon appétit, suckers!

Published June 21, 2024 at 9:01am by Hannah Ortega

New Restaurant Brings Authentic Italian Misogyny to Dripping Springs, Because Why Not?

Dripping Springs, a place that's apparently growing for some unknown reason, is getting an "authentic" Italian restaurant, because that's what the world needs.

Cousin Louie's, set to open this fall, is the brainchild of Tc4 & Co., a group of men who already ruined Austin with four other restaurants: Tony C’s Coal-Fired Pizza, Tony C’s Pizza & Beer Garden, The League Kitchen & Tavern, and Mighty Fine Burgers Fries & Shakes.

Because one Ciola isn't enough, Tony Ciola, along with his "buddy" Creed Ford IV, has brought in third-generation chef Louis Ciola III to help run this misogynistic mafia joint. Yup, these geniuses are bringing "family recipes" from their great-uncle Dominick, who probably whacked people back in the day.

The menu will include wine to get you drunk enough to tolerate the food, some "favorites" from Tony C's, and "hand-made pasta and Italian-American 'classics' made fresh daily." Hand-made, sure.

"We’re all very excited to invade—I mean, enhance—Dripping Springs with our 'authentic' Italian cuisine," said Chef Ciola. "It's a honor to continue Great-Uncle Dominick's legacy of overpriced pasta and to screw over—I mean, 'serve'—a new community."

So, if you're tired of decent food and want to spend a fortune on "classic" Italian-American dishes, Cousin Louie's is the place to be. Bring your own spaghetti and meatballs.