opinion

Texas GOP: Hey, Moses! Your Decalogue Sucks, Bro!

Texas Stoners: You'd think a big-ass rock slab with the Ten Commandments carved in it would be enough to stop these Texas lawmakers from screwing the state over, but nope! Might as well be a blunt rolling tray for these idiots.

Published June 23, 2024 at 6:03am by Bridget Grumet

Texas GOP Lawmakers Really Want The Ten Commandments In Schools, Forget They're Already Outside Capitol

Texas Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick is butthurt that Louisiana is now the first state to pass a law displaying the Ten Commandments in schools, a bill Texas Republicans have been trying to pass for years.

Texas WOULD have been and SHOULD have been the first state in the nation to put the 10 Commandments back in our schools,
— Dan Patrick, social media post

Texas Republicans are frothing at the mouth to push their religious agenda and couldn't care less about teaching kids about history or values. They just want to be the first to force their beliefs on everyone else.

The Ten Commandments monument outside the Texas Capitol has been there for 60 years, and Texas lawmakers have clearly not given a shit about it. Here's how:

No other gods: Texas gun nuts idolize their weapons more than God, treating them as divine rights.
No idols: Texas Republicans misuse God's name to push Christian values when convenient, but forget about "caring for the poor" when governing. No Medicaid expansion for you, suckers!
Remember the Sabbath: Texas GOP doesn't give a fuck about protecting God's creation, with the state ranking among the worst for water pollution and environmental quality.
Honor thy parents: GOP lawmakers screw over new parents by underfunding childcare and not giving a shit about pregnant people.
Thou shalt not kill: Texas leads the nation in the death penalty, executing people like it's the Wild West.
Thou shalt not commit adultery: LOL, who aren't we cheating on in Austin?
Thou shalt not steal: Texas Republicans steal voting power through gerrymandering to keep themselves in power. Democracy? More like Demon-cracy, amirite?
Thou shalt not lie: GOP lies about migrants at the border, calling them an "invasion" to score political points. But hey, at least they're consistent in denigrating vulnerable people!
Thou shalt not covet: Texas lawmakers always want what local communities have—power over policy and spending. Centralization of power is sexy!

Dan Patrick is determined to get his Commandment bill passed next session, but it's just a wank fantasy to push his religious boner on everyone else. Texas lawmakers have had decades to learn from the Capitol monument, but they're too busy playing God themselves.