entertainment

Glen Who? Oh Yeah, The Austin Guy. Here's 4 Things We 'Learned' About This 'Actor':

Glen Powell achieved his dream of becoming a successful actor and moved back to Austin to be close to his adoring parents. What a hero. He must be so proud that he escaped the rat race and got to jack off in mommy and daddy's basement again.

Published June 26, 2024 at 6:04am by Hannah Ortega

Dude Escapes Hollywood for Texas, Realizes He Can't Stand There Either

URL: https://www.usatoday.com/storyblog/2023/06/02/hit-man-glen-powell-moves-austin-texas-hollywood-bubble/107106001/

Actor Glen Powell is yet another Hollywood elite who thinks they can run from their problems. This time, he's fleeing the "Hollywood bubble" and heading back to Austin, Texas, because apparently, being surrounded by liberal idiots was taking a toll on his already fragile male ego.

"When all you do is breathe the same air as other celebrities and you start to believe your own PR, you might forget how to function like a normal human being. Like, my personal life was non-existent, and I couldn't even tie my own shoes without a team of assistants. It was brutal."

Yeah, dude, we feel so bad for you. While you were struggling to maintain your sanity, the rest of us were working 9-5 jobs and trying not to slip through the cracks of society.

But hey, at least he's keeping it in the family. His parents still live in Austin, and they seem like a real hoot, holding up signs at his premiere, saying, "Stop trying to make Glen Powell happen." We get it, your parents love you, and you love them. That's great. Can we move on now?

Of course, no move to Texas is complete without some good old-fashioned meat-loving. Powell claims that "there's better meat in Texas than in California." No shit, Sherlock. Texas barbecue is famous, and you're just another basic bro naming your rescue dog "Brisket." How original.

To top it all off, this dude gets inducted into the Texas Film Hall of Fame. Must be nice to have connections and wealth to fall back on. The rest of us are just trying to survive, but sure, let's celebrate this guy's "accomplishments."