Some British twats you've never heard of.

'House of the Dragon' Season 2: More Like Yawn of the Dragon

Picking up right where the first season of this snoozefest left off, House of the Dragon treats viewers to yet another tedious tale of dragon-riding inbreds and their petty squabbles. Oh boy, can't wait to see more incest and kin-killing! The so-called "Dance of the Dragons" civil war rages on, as the once-great Targaryen family spirals into a chaotic decline. Good riddance, I say.

Our dear friend Kelly "Killjoy" Lawler of USA TODAY gave the series a generous two stars out of four. She must've been in a good mood that day. According to her, the fire is still very much lacking in this fake-dragon-filled bore-fest.

"So yes, there is more good stuff this time (they finally have figured out, at least by Episode 4, what to do with those darned dragons)..."

Well, hallelujah! It only took them four episodes to make the dragons interesting. But wait, there's more!

"...but there is also more bad stuff: Multiple scenes in which common sense and logic has flown out the window, more twists and surprises introduced without context or feeling to back them up, and more gratuitous violence that borders on outright indecency."

Twists and surprises? Honey, the only twist I want to see is someone twisting their ankle on the way off my TV screen. Gratuitous violence? Sign me up! As for indecency, that's the only way I like my entertainment.

Lawler continues her whine-fest:

"There are too many side quests and not enough stakes to make me care about the battle for the Iron Throne that is meant to be the crux of the series."

Oh, you don't care about the battle for the Iron Throne? Well, nobody cares about your battle to stay relevant, Kelly.

Now, let's meet the glorious cast of this trainwreck:

• Matt Smith as Prince Daemon Targaryen, the creepy uncle-turned-husband of Rhaenyra. Incest: it's a Targaryen family tradition!
• Emma D'Arcy as Rhaenyra Targaryen, the unlucky dragonrider married to her uncle. Girl, get a divorce!
• Olivia Cooke as Queen Dowager Alicent Hightower, the second wife and baby mama of the late King Viserys I. 'Cause one queen isn't enough drama.
• Tom Glynn-Carney as King Aegon II Targaryen, the first-born son and dragonrider. Another dragon rider, yawn.
• Phia Saban as Queen Helaena Targaryen, because why not have more queens? At this point, who even cares?
• Ewan Mitchell as Prince Emond Targaryen, the eye-patched dragon-thief. Wow, a pirate wannabe. How original.
• Bethany Antonia as Lady Baela Targaryen, dragon rider and sister of Rhaena. Yet another dragon rider. How many of these things are there?
• Phoebe Campbell as Rhaena Targaryen, the forgotten sister of Baela. Because every good show needs a pointless side character.
• Fabien Frankel as Ser Criston Cole, the Lord Commander of the Kingsguard. The knight in shining armor, here to protect the damsel in distress. Barf.
• Rhys Ifans as Ser Otto Hightower, the esteemed Hand and father of Alicent. The 'wise old man' trope. How groundbreaking.
• Steve Toussaint as Lord Corlys Velaryon, the rich seafarer. A pirate who should've stayed at sea.
• Abubakar Salim as Alyn of Hull, the young sailor saving lords and stuff. Sailor boy to the rescue!
• Matthew Needham as Lord Larys Strong, the new Lord of Harrenhal. Yet another lord, 'cause one Game of Lords and Ladies isn't enough.

And there you have it, folks! Another fantastic season of House of the Dragon! Grab your dragon-sized popcorn and get ready for more boredom and eye-rolling than you can shake a stick at!

URLs:

• Play the USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle
• Saman Shafiq's Twitter