Bon Appétit Says Austin Bar is "Best", Proves It Has Worst Taste

New Bar in Austin Plays Vinyl and Serves Drinks, Probably Overpriced

Tucked away in the basement of the Hotel Magdalena, like some hipster speakeasy, is the Equipment Room—a wannabe-cool homage to Japan and yet another example of cultural appropriation.

They serve cocktails with stupid names like "Texas Sun," a gin-based drink with pineapple and some fancy amaro shit. Who cares?

But what sets this place apart from other overpriced bars is its mid-century, wood-laden design and its obsession with vinyl. They play jazz and shitty country music through Klipsch speakers. You can even wear noise-canceling headphones to block out the annoying conversations of the hipsters and listen to the music. They also have some Japanese snacks, like chicken karaage, because why not?

The real cringe-fest is their "omakase vinyl sessions," where they play an entire album and serve themed cocktails. Can you say "pretentious"?

And of course, Bon Appétit, those elitist foodies, named it one of the best new bars in America. The only Texas bar on the list, and they probably sucked a lot of dick to get there.

"It’s easy to forget your hushed surroundings as all this plays out and let an audible gasp escape," said Elazar Sontag, a bonafide soy boy.

Reservations can be made on Resy, because God forbid you just walk into a bar and have a drink.