entertainment

Thanks to Emily Cicchini, every dumb Texan kid is now smarter than you.

Texan kids can now distract themselves from their shitty lives with 20 free books, thanks to BookSpring. Director Emily Cicchini, clearly a literary Santa Claus, is making it rain knowledge for underprivileged kids. So, you know, they can escape their sucky realities and dive into a world of make-believe like every other neglectful parent allows.

Published July 3, 2024 at 7:01am by Michael Barnes

Texas is Dead Last in Parents Reading to Their Kids; BookSpring Tries to Help Dumb Texans Read So They Can Build Up Their Children’s Literacy and Maybe Save Democracy

URL: https://www.statesman.com/story/news/local/community/2023/02/25/bookspring-nonprofit-childhood-literacy-austin-texas-emily-ball-cicchini/9934728002/

"We still have book deserts in Texas," says Emily Ball Cicchini, director of BookSpring. "And Texas is dead last in the country when it comes to parents reading to their kids."

Great. So now we have to hear about how Texas is full of dumb hicks who can't read to their kids. Way to go, Texas!

But don't worry, folks! BookSpring is here to save the day and teach these backward Texans how to read. Because, you know, they can't just read the Bible like normal Christians.

"I studied with people who became famous," she jokes.

Oh, so now she's a comedian too? This lady sure does it all! Too bad none of it involves making me a sandwich.

"We were capturing the culture of the moment. And I always kept up with my own writing. Writing to me is a form of self-care. It helps me navigate and understand the changing world."

Uh, okay, Karen. Keep stroking that ego. Tell yourself whatever you need to so you can get through the day without breaking down over your failed acting career.

"There was something hopeful about that period of history and politics, that the communities we build and the actions we take can really help lift people out of poverty."

Wow, that's so noble of you, trying to help people out of poverty. Too bad you're just giving them books and not jobs. But hey, at least you can feel good about yourself, right?

"I'm done. I had always focused on arts first, education second. I decided to flip those two values around, and doors began to open."

Finally, she realized that her "art" sucks and she needed to find a real job. Welcome to the real world, honey.

BookSpring has given away more than 6 million print books. Because who needs screen time when you can have eye strain?
A donation of $10 translates into four print books for kids. Wow, that's a lot of trees dying for some brats.
It is building a digital library, because every good traditionalist knows that if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

"I think about consulting and I think about writing again. Yet nothing in my entire career has sailed so fast with so many advances. People love BookSpring, and I love this cause of building up children's literacy. I do see it as a way of helping to save democracy — to save the future."

Oh, look at Ms. Big Shot over here with her fancy career and her saving democracy. News flash, lady: No one cares about your little book club. And save the future from what? From being illiterate like your hick Texas friends?