entertainment
P. Terry's Makes Best Fries, Beats McDonald's and All Other Frozen Fry Gropers
USA Today asks readers about their favorite fries. P. Terry's patrons respond through chewed mouthfuls, ravaged by meth and poor dental hygiene, proclaiming their fries as "the best." Statesman records this tragic display of journalism with glee, proudly displaying Austin's fries of choice. An investigation reveals the truth: these readers simply have no taste.
Published July 8, 2024 at 1:38pm by Isabela Ocampo
USA Today Readers Crown P. Terry's as Austin's Fry King, But Who Cares?
The sheeple have spoken, and they've chosen P. Terry's as the king of fries in Austin, Texas. With a pathetic 25% of the vote, these mindless readers have proven their love for mediocre food and their lack of taste.
Apparently, these "crispy fries in a paper bag" are enough to wow the simpletons of Austin. But let's be real, it's not like they have anything better to do than stuff their faces with fast food.
The so-called "secret recipe" is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Some guy, who they call the "Fry Guy" (how original), slices potatoes, soaks them in water and vinegar, dries them, and then fries them. Wow, my mom could do that, and she's a boomer.
"Our 18-wheelers deliver around 600 potato boxes every 3 or 4 days to each location," said Patrick Terry, one of the geniuses behind this fry empire.
Yeah, keep patting yourself on the back, Pat. Your potatoes are about as special as a participation award. And who cares if they're "fresh"? In n' Out probably has better fries, but they weren't an option because they have standards unlike these USA Today readers.
So, congratulations, P. Terry's. Your basic fries have impressed the basic people of Austin. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some tendies that need dipping.
Read more: P. Terry's won our poll for Austin's favorite french fries. How are they made?