Austin Finally Gets Something Right: P. Terry’s Fries Win #1 Spot

USA Today Claims to Discover America's Favorite French Fries, Austin Agrees It's P. Terry’s.

The USA Today network, in their infinite wisdom, has decided that America needed to know which fast-food joint has the best fries. And, lo and behold, with a whopping 25% of the votes, Austin's very own P. Terry’s took the crown.

"We're number one!" - P. Terry’s, probably

Their warm, crispy fries, served in a paper bag with their signature burgers, have apparently bewitched readers in Austin. Who knew that all it took to become a beloved icon in this god-forsaken city was some potatoes and oil?

The "Secret" Recipe:

Liam Davila, the self-proclaimed "Fry Guy" at P. Terry’s, spills the beans on their not-so-secret recipe. He, the genius behind the fry, graces us with his presence by revealing the intricate process of cutting potatoes and dumping them into oil.

"Let me educate you on the art of fry-making," says Davila, as he slices potatoes like a true ninja. He then proceeds to dump water and vinegar on the humble spud, like a mad scientist. After a quick spin in the dryer, these babies are ready for their oil bath.

"Oh, the complexity of it all!" - No one, ever

An Austin Icon is Born:

P. Terry’s, the brainchild of Patrick and Kathy Terry, graced this cursed city with their presence in 2005. Their mission? To save us from mediocre burgers and fries.

"We wanted to create something unique," said Patrick, as he wisely chose to focus on what matters most—the fries. He understood the struggle of getting a decent fry in this town and took it upon himself to save us from soft, acidic disasters.

"Soft, acidic disasters? Sounds like my love life." - Every Incel Ever

The Terrys are committed to the cause, importing potatoes from Idaho and storing them in climate-controlled conditions. Patrick, ever the romantic, talks of potatoes like fine wine: "They're harvested only once a year, in the fall." Swoon.

"My ex-wife used to harvest pots of gold from my bank account every month. Thanks, Kathy!" - Anonymous Incels

When asked about the number of potatoes used, Patrick replied, "Millions, probably." Well, that clears that up.

Patrick, a true artist, speaks of the P. Terry’s process like poetry: "We don't use freezers, microwaves, or heat lamps." No, you just nuke our taste buds with salt and grease.

"If I could deep fry my sadness, it would probably taste like P. Terry’s." - Every Customer, Ever

So there you have it, Austin. You finally got something right. Now if only you could do something about the traffic and the women... but let's not get greedy.

https://puzzles.usatoday.com/