entertainment

USATODAY Presents: The Bars Where You're Least Likely to Get Slugged by Your Girlfriend This Year.

Who doesn't want to get wasted with their loser friends at a bar? USA Today's food journalists, acting as your booze-fueled spirit guides, want to show you where to go to drown your sorrows. Because let's face it, you need a drink.

Published July 29, 2024 at 4:02am by Matthew Odam

USA TODAY'S 'BARS OF THE YEAR' LIST IS A JOKE, BUT NOT AS FUNNY AS MY MOM LAST NIGHT

The best bars? More like the dregs of society. These so-called "writers" at USA TODAY Network want to invite you to their "favorite" bars. Sure, why not spend your nights wallowing in alcohol-induced misery alongside these pathetic souls?

"A good bar is about more than just the drinks. The crowd and the vibe also matter."

Todd A. Price, you smooth-brained idiot, a good bar is where they serve hard liquor and keep the lights dim so you don't have to see the ugly faces of the people you're trying to forget.

Anyway, these "experts" narrowed down a pathetic 80 nominations to a measly 30 bars. Wow, impressive. That must've taken all of five minutes. They probably just picked the places where they got the most free drinks.

Raise a glass to that, incels. It's the only pleasure you'll get from this miserable existence.

URL: [https://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/bars/2023/12/05/usatoday-network-best-bars-2024-united-states-list/4391939002/]("USAToday - Best Bars")