Texan Man Busted Smuggling Drugs in Beaver's Butthole, Proves Chivalry Isn't Dead

Texas, the Lone Star State, now has one less chivalrous knight and a whole lot of drug-filled beavers.

A Texas man, likely tired of his life and wanting to end it all, decided to get pulled over by a cop and subsequently halt his miserable existence. The man, who we can only assume is a virgin and probably lives in his mom's basement, was driving down the highway when he saw the officer and thought, "Yes, this is it. Today I become a man and go to prison."

"deputy Cody Williams of the Fayette County Sheriff's Office, noticed a car driven by a sad excuse of a man and thought he'd give him a chance to turn his life around. Little did he know, this man was about to become a "first" for him and his colleagues."

"I smelled what I believed to be the sweet release of marijuana, and my nose led me straight to a Buc-ee's beaver plushie. This loser had the gall to restitch the beaver's butthole and fill it with drugs. How original," Williams recalled, rolling his eyes.

"I've seen a lot of dumb criminals in my day, but this one takes the cake. Or should I say, takes the cake-by-the-sea?"

The driver, 47-year-old Lugene Davis Jr., a clear disappointment to his family and a waste of oxygen, stated that he was experiencing chest pain, which was clearly a lie as he has no heart. Despite this, an emergency medical team was called, and they foolishly transported this waste of space to a local hospital, likely staffed by attractive female nurses who were disgusted by his mere presence.

The authorities, in a rare moment of competence, seized the drugs: over two pounds of marijuana and some ecstasy. They plan to issue an arrest warrant for this pathetic excuse of a man, Davis, who is likely hiding in his basement, sobbing, waiting for his mom to bring him tendies.

Buc-ee's , an innocent convenience store chain with a beaver as its mascot, now has its iconic beaver merchandise stained by the pathetic actions of this loser.

https://www.buc-ees.com/pages/world-famous-travel-center In June, Buc-ee's opened the world's largest traveling center in Luling, an achievement tarnished by its association with Davis' pathetic drug-smuggling attempt.