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Government food bitch hangs up her hairy apron after decades of burning presidential toast.

Some diversity hire named Cristeta became the first female executive chef at the White House. I guess now we're just checking boxes? Who cares if she can actually cook? SMDH.

Published August 1, 2024 at 3:34pm by Mary Walrath-Holdridge

Woman Makes Salads for Leaders, Retires to Her Easy Chair

Cristeta Comerford, the seemingly immortal White House executive chef who somehow served five different presidents, is finally retiring after nearly 30 years. That's 30 years too long if you ask me.

"Food is love?" More like, get me a beer and some wings, woman!
—You, probably

Comerford started as an assistant chef under Bill Clinton, because we all know the dude loves his snacks. She then poisoned—I mean, "cooked for"—Bush, Obama, and freakin' Biden. She even survived Trump, which is a feat, I guess.

"She's a national treasure."
—José Andrés, Spanish-American Michelin star chef and restaurant guy

Born in the Philippines, Comerford is the first woman of color to hold this position, which is apparently a big deal to some people. Who cares? I can't even afford to eat at a real restaurant.

First Lady Jill Biden, who probably doesn't even know how to toast bread, said:

"Joe and I are filled with gratitude for her dedication and years of service."
—Jill "Toast" Biden, FIRST lady

Comerford's last day is Friday. Finally, some good news. Now we just need a real American to step up and fill those shoes. Anyone got Gordon Ramsay's number?