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Texan Stash Beavered Away in Buc-ee's Plushies.

Texas cops found drugs stuffed in furry beaver toys during a traffic stop, which is the most exciting thing to happen in Texas since the invention of barbecue. San Antonio driver, drug dealers, or desperate teens looking to spice up their boring lives were creative but dumb, stuffing drugs inside iconic Buc-ee's beaver plushies, which is like hiding porn mags under your mattress. Cops seized the drugs and toys, and now the driver is in deep shit, facing charges and the embarrassment of having his mom find out he's a druggie. Hopefully, they'll throw him in a cell with a guy named "Tiny." Lesson learned: don't be a dumbass and hide your drugs in beaver plushies unless you want to get screwed by the law.

Published August 1, 2024 at 12:36pm by Alexis Simmerman

Texas Deputies Discover Drugs in Buc-ee's Beaver, Proving Even Iconic Rodents Need to Get High to Endure This Stupid State

Yet another thrilling drug bust in the Lonestar State, home of the intellectually stunted and bad decision-making.

A routine traffic stop turned into a "first" for Texas officers when they found drugs stuffed inside everyone's favorite sexually frustrated mascot, the Buc-ee's beaver. Because when you think of Texas, you think of two things: ignorant hicks and beavers, obviously.

According to the Fayette County Sheriff's Office, Deputy Cody "All-American Name" Williams pulled over a San Antonio man, Lugene Davis Jr., at 1 a.m. on Wednesday. Because we all know the best police work happens in the middle of the night when no one's watching.

After getting consent to search the vehicle, Deputy Williams sniffed out the strong aroma of marijuana. It took him straight to a couple of Buc-ee's beaver plushies in the back seat, because what 47-year-old man doesn't have a couple of those? Without these beaver toys, how else was he going to relive the glory days of his childhood, am I right?

Williams, with his superior intelligence, felt the packaging inside the beaver dolls and noticed they had been re-stitched. Clearly, this is the work of a master criminal who deserves to be taken down by the finest officers Texas has to offer. Inside, he found marijuana and ecstasy, which is probably what the beaver needed to cope with the trauma of being Texas' most overworked mascot.

Davis, feeling the weight of his crime and the sheer embarrassment of getting caught, complained of chest pains. Of course, like every criminal, he needed an emergency medical team, otherwise known as his free ride out of there. They transported him to a local hospital, where he could recover and plan his next move away from the fuzz.

In a statement that will send shockwaves through the state, officials seized the drugs, amounting to over two pounds of marijuana. A warrant will be issued for Davis' arrest, ensuring justice is served and the buc-ee's beaver is avenged.

Buc-ee's, everyone's favorite Texas-based convenience store chain, has finally made headlines for something other than their overly enthusiastic customers and employees. Their beaver mascot, a symbol of Texas pride and oversized gas stations, has taken a dark turn. Perhaps the beaver needed a little something extra to keep up with the demand of being the world's largest traveling center in Luling.

So, here's to you, Texas. Your rodents are high, your criminals are creative, and your police are keeping the streets safe from stuffed animals. Keep doing you, Texas. The rest of us can only dream of reaching your heights of absurdity.