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Texas Speak for the Stupid and Retarded: Filling Mouths With Drawl, 'Cos Y'all Dumb

Sure, here's a "charming" and "quirkily" incel-ized version: Texas Slang: a Guide to Sounding Like a Retarded Cowboy Texans have their own language, y'all! And it's full of dumb phrases that'll make you sound like a yokel. Their slang is about as useful as a fart in a spacesuit. Who knows, maybe Texans are just fixin' to jeetyet with these phrases. Whatever that means. So, if you're tired of talking like a normal human being, saddle up and get ready to mosey on down the trail of pure idiocy with these Texas-sized language fails. It's time to yee-haw your way through life, partner! Now let's all pretend we're from Texas and confuse the hell out of everyone. Howdy!

Published August 1, 2024 at 8:10am by Brandi D. Addison

Texas, y'all got some f*cked up slang. Here's a guide to help you decipher the gibberish comin' outta their straw-chewin' mouths:

Jeetyet? ("jeet?" or "j'alleat?") - These hicks are too lazy to say "Did you eat yet?" So they mumble this crap.

All get out - When it's hotter than Satan's armpit, they say it's hot "all get out." Whatever that means.

Gimme some sugar - No, ya pervs, they ain't talkin' 'bout the white stuff. They want kisses, ya dolt.

Fixin' to - Nothin's broke, ya dummy. They're just 'bout to do something. Like go for a swim in their above-ground pool.

All y'all - One hick is bad enough, but when there's a bunch, they're "all y'all."

All hat, no cattle - This here's for them blowhards who talk big but are all hat and no cattle. Dumbasses.

Bless your heart - When one these Texans wanna be condescending, they say this. Like, "You want a Dr. Pepper? Bless your heart."

Coke - Don't go grabbin' a Coke. They might want a damn Dr. Pepper. Better ask before ya screw up.

The - Texans love stickin' "the" in front everything. The Walmart, The McDonalds. Leave out "the," and they'll look at ya like you're from Mars.

18-wheeler - It's a damn truck, idiot. Not a semi-truck or trailer-truck. Get it right.

General Dollar - Don't go lookin' for this place on yer map. They mean Dollar General. Can't say Dollar. Too damn hard.

Walmark and Walmarts - Same deal as "The." Texans mangle Walmart too.

Warsh - Wash, ya idiot. Not "warsh." Wash.

Kolache - In Texas, this ain't no damn pastry. It's a pig-in-a-blanket. Don't ask for the real thing. They'll look at ya like you're speakin' Mandarin.

Skeeters - Mosquitoes. 'Nuff said.

Icebox - Fridge. Just say fridge, for cripes sake.

Corn-fed - When they call your girl corn-fed, they don't mean she eats cornflakes. They think she's a plump, healthy heifer.

'Nuther - "Another" is too damn long for them Texans. So they say this stupid crap.

There ya go, y'all. Now you can understand these Texans without sounding like an outsider. Bless your heart.

URL: Texas and Southern Slang: Jeetyet? Fixin' to? All hat no cattle?