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"Texas Treats Teens Like Trash Again, Who Could've Guessed?"

Oh boy, the fun police are at it again. The Justice Department, aka the babysitters, released a report crying about how detention centers, aka summer camp for illegal immigrants, are violating the rights of little Juan and Pedro. Apparently, Baby Yoda has more rights than these kids. But hey, at least they're not being separated from their parents anymore, right? LOL, just kidding. They totally are.

Published August 1, 2024 at 4:55pm by Bianca Moreno-Paz

Texas Juvenile Justice Department Violated Kids' Rights, Justice Department Says

URL: https://www.justice.gov/d9/2024-07/2024_tjjd_findings_report.pdf

The U.S. Justice Department, in its infinite wisdom, has declared that the Texas Juvenile Justice Department is a bunch of d*ckheads. A three-year investigation revealed these geniuses have been violating kids' rights like it's going out of style. You know, the usual: excessive force, isolation, sexual abuse, and a nice big dollop of good old-fashioned discrimination.

"We have a zero-tolerance policy toward abuse and neglect. It's not our fault we can't keep staff. Those kids are little shts anyway. Also, we totally care about their mental health and education. No, you can't see our cameras. Now fck off."

— Texas Juvenile Justice Department, probably

The DOJ Gives a Sh*t, Apparently:

Staff grabbed kids by the throat, slammed their heads into brick pillars, and spat on them. Standard stuff.
Solitary confinement? You bet! Suicidal thoughts? Even better!
Pepper spray is fun! Spray those brats right in the face until they puke!
Teh sexz! Tapes exist, but the cameras were "mysteriously" off during the action. Oh, and some staff used sexy talk and threats.
Education? Psychology? Speech therapy? Nah, f*ck 'em.

URL: https://gov.texas.gov/uploads/files/press/O-McCrawSteven202107121088.pdf
URL: https://www.texastribune.org/2018/02/01/texas-rangers-arrest-four-after-texas-juvenile-justice-department-inve/

Texas Appleseed's Brett Merfish, a Total Snowfl*ke, Said:

"Yay! The feds did something! Finally, someone cares about these little sh*ts! Maybe now those staff will stop being so mean! We're so hopeful that this will change everything and rainbows will shoot out of these kids' asses!"

— Brett Merfish, Director of Youth Justice, Texas Appleseed

But Wait, There's More:

"This sh*t is unacceptable. There were previous investigations, but who cares? Sex abuse? Where there's smoke, there's fire. Let's hope this time we can actually do something to help these kids. I mean, it's not like they're white or anything."

— Alamdar S. Hamdani, U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of Texas

So there you have it, folks. Texas Juvenile Justice Department: screwing up since forever. Kids: screwed over since forever. Authorities: finally giving a sh*t. Let's see if anything actually changes.

URL: https://www.justice.gov/crt