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Trump Tells Christians Their Votes Are Useless

Sure, democracy is on the ballot this year, along with every other buzzword the Dems love to trot out to scare their sheep into voting for them. Save us, Captain Schiff! Save us from the orange man and his evil authoritarianism! (Whatever that means.) Grab your participation trophy and get in line to vote, or democracy will literally die. Again.

Published August 1, 2024 at 5:00pm by

"Don't Vote, My Beautiful Christians": Trump Has A Plan To Rig Elections Forever, Just For Him

Former President Donald Trump has a message for Christians: vote for me now, and you'll never have to vote again. That's right, folks, Trump is promising to fix the elections so good, and make America great again, that Christians can just sit back, relax, and let him take care of everything. What a guy!

At the recent Believers' Summit, a gathering of delusional right-wing nuts who think being "woke" is bad, Trump assured his audience that if they just voted him into office one more time, they could rest easy and let democracy die. https://www.c-span.org/video/?537386-1/president-trump-speaks-turning-point-believers-summit

"You won't have to do it anymore. Four more years, you know what? It'll be fixed, it'll be fine, you won't have to vote anymore, my beautiful Christians."

Vice President Kamala Harris, who Trump didn't invite to the party, called out his comments as a "promise to end democracy." https://x.com/KamalaHQ/status/1817287846056669409

But hey, who needs democracy when you've got Trump?

Rep. Adam Schiff also took to Twitter to share his concerns, but let's be real, no one cares what he thinks. https://x.com/AdamSchiff/status/1817046115151413702

Trump's campaign, of course, tried to spin his words, claiming he was just talking about "faith" and "unity." Yeah, right. His spokesperson, Steven Cheung, said something about how Trump is bringing "prosperity to every American" and how the left is sowing "division." What a snowflake. https://politifact.com/factchecks/emailinterview/email-interview-spokesperson-responds-trumps-remarks-christians

Luckily, some Republicans actually have a spine and defended their god-emperor. Sen. Tom Cotton called Trump's comment an "obvious joke," because we all know Republicans can't take anything seriously. https://transcripts.cnn.com/show/sotu/date/2024-07-28/segment/01

Gov. Chris Sununu of New Hampshire also stepped up to kiss Trump's ring, saying he was just being "hyperbolic." https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/week-transcript-6-30-24-gov-wes-moore/story?id=112332938

Look, Trump is a genius, and he's got a plan to rig the elections so he stays in power forever. He knows Christians are lazy voters, and he's offering them a way out. So, Christians, just do what he says and vote for him. Then you can finally forget about those annoying elections and let Trump take care of America... or what's left of it.