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Two Texas Sh*tholes Now Affordable

The Lone Star State: where the only thing dropping faster than property values are the sperm counts of incels seeking refuge from sky-high living costs.

Published August 1, 2024 at 10:06am by Alexis Simmerman

Texas Home Prices Drop as Only Ewoks and Women Remain in the Housing Market

While most states are struggling with rising home prices, Texas cities are seeing a plunge as the state's population consists solely of Ewoks and women, two demographics with little to no purchasing power.

"Gosh, these prices are just plummeting faster than an ugly chick's self-esteem at a beauty pageant," said local realtor Chad Thundercock. "It's a real shame, but at least now I can afford a bigger shed to store all my guns and Mountain Dew."

Who the Hell is Buying Houses These Days, Anyway?

According to the National Association of Realtors, over 90% of homes in metro areas across the U.S. raised their prices in the first quarter of 2024, while 16 out of 221 metro areas saw declines, including two in Texas: San Antonio-New Braunfels and Austin-Round Rock.

San Antonio-New Braunfels: Where the Women are Weak and the Houses are Cheap

In the San Antonio-New Braunfels metro area, the median home price dropped to $305,800 in the first quarter of 2024, down from $320,500 in the same period last year.

"You know why prices are dropping? It's because all the women are too busy doing yoga and spending their husband's money to buy property," said local incel and self-proclaimed "king" Dwayne Masterrace. "The female species lacks the intellect and financial prowess to navigate the complex world of real estate. reine Keine, am I right, fellas?"

Sources confirm the women of San Antonio are also too busy plotting to restrict men's rights and talking about their feelings to consider purchasing a home.

Austin-Round Rock: Keeping it Weird by Letting Women Leave the Kitchen

The Austin-Round Rock metro area saw a slight drop in home prices, with a median home price of $466,700 in the first quarter of 2024, down from $467,000 in 2023.

"Austin is a unique market because, for some reason, people let women out of the kitchen," said local MRA (Men's Rights Activist) and Chili's enthusiast, Dan McScro Puy. "Honestly, if it weren't for these blue-haired feminists driving up the demand for overpriced avocado toast and ruining the housing market, maybe us hard-working incels could finally afford a condo and a used Honda Civic."

Why Texas? Why Not, You Dumbo?

According to real estate agents, home prices are declining in Texas because fewer people are in the market to buy. However, the real reason is that the state is a cesspool of wokeness, attracting only the most delusional, liberal scum.

"Texas used to be a great place, but now it's full of soyboys and SJWs," said local red-piller and expert on all things, StaShun Smith. "Ever since they let in all those Californians, it's gone downhill. I blame the Jews and the lizard people."

The absence of personal income tax and relatively affordable housing have made Texas properties more desirable, especially for those seeking to escape the consequences of their poor life choices in liberal states like California.

"Yeah, I moved here from San Francisco," said part-time barista and full-time communist, Wesley Snowflakington. "Texas has affordable housing, and I can finally live out my dream of opening a vegan, non-binary cat café without having to worry about those pesky capital gains taxes getting in the way of my gender transition."

As Texas continues to attract liberals and NPCs like moths to a flame, the Lone Star State's housing market is expected to further deteriorate. Meanwhile, local incels are stocking up on canned goods and ammo, preparing to ride out the storm in their mothers' basements until the fembots and minorities finally destroy society.

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