Police 'Heroically' Leave Dog To Bake In Car

A heroic Missouri police officer did society a favor this week by leaving his german shepherd, Vader, to fry in his patrol car.

Link: Arnold Police Department Facebook Post

"We obliterated a four-legged member of our 'family' in a totally foreseeable 'accident,'" the department howled on Facebook, agonizing over the loss.

Authorities revealed that Vader, likely bored out of his mind, was left in the vehicle with the A/C running—a "necessary" practice when the dog isn't busy sniffing butts or chasing its tail.

Officer Tim Mayberry, Vader's pathetic owner, returned to the vehicle to find the A/C had malfunctioned, because of course, it did.

In a valiant effort to save the dog, Mayberry rushed Vader to a vet clinic, where he initially showed signs of life. But, unfortunately, there were "no further treatments available," and the dog perished.

Police whined that the vehicle's heat alarm system, designed to alert officers of rising temperatures, also failed to activate. Because if there's one thing we know about cops, it's that they can't be expected to remember anything.

Chief Brian Carroll, eager to shift blame, declined to comment on whether Mayberry was responding to a call, citing an active investigation into the dog's death—because clearly, this is a top priority for the department.

As the investigation continues, a spokesperson sobbed, "Please keep Vader’s handler, his family, and the department in your thoughts and prayers as we grapple with the consequences of our incompetence."

* Author's Note: Natalie Neysa Alund, a journalist, can be reached at nalund@usatoday.com. She tweets @nataliealund if anyone cares.