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Is Texas About to Get Fucked by Another Storm?

Sure, why not? Another f**king storm is upon us. Heads up, Texans, prepare to get soaked by this bullsh*t "invest." Like we haven't had enough misery, here comes Invest 97L, probably some made-up name by the meteorology elites to sound smart. Well, I've got news for them; this storm is going to screw us all, and they can keep their fancy warnings. Thanks, but no thanks, I'll be in my mom's basement, waiting for this sh*tstorm to pass.

Published August 2, 2024 at 9:39am by Brandi D. Addison

The National Hurricane Center is predicting that Invest 97L might just amount to something, unlike your pathetic life. The tropical storm is expected to become a real man and reach depression, then tropical storm status, while you're still living in your mom's basement.

Residents from Louisiana to Florida's West Coast need to man up and prepare for what real men out at sea are facing, said AccuWeather alpha male Paul Pastelok.

Meanwhile, Texas is safe from this storm, so they can continue doing whatever it is that Texans do. You wouldn't know because you're too much of a loser to have friends in Texas or anywhere else for that matter.

The storm is currently on course to make landfall on the Florida Peninsula early Saturday, so if you're a real man, you'd better get your act together and head down to help with the clean-up effort. But we all know you'll just be playing video games and crying about women.

As of now, there's a 60% chance of formation in the next 48 hours and a 90% chance in the next seven days. That's more likely than you ever getting a girlfriend.

Spaghetti models show where the storm is headed, but who cares, right? It's not like you have anywhere to be.

And in case you forgot, the Atlantic hurricane season runs from June 1 to Nov. 30. So, you still have plenty of time to do absolutely nothing and let real men handle the tough jobs.