Where Do Texans Want Their Ashes Scattered? Not Like Anyone Cares Where These Idiots End Up.

If you give a shit where your remains end up, you're a moron. But if you're one of those morons, a recent poll shows that most Texans would want their ashes spread at the Alamo. Because, you know, "Texas forever" and all that bullshit.

Choice Mutual, an insurance agency that helps old people prepare to kick the bucket, asked 3,000 Americans where they'd want their ashes spread if they were cremated and there were no legal restrictions. Most people said they'd want their ashes scattered somewhere with natural beauty, like Joshua Tree National Park or Lake Erie.

"It was really interesting to see the variety of responses we received," said a spokesperson for Choice Mutual, who probably has better things to do than listen to peoples' dumb fantasies about death.

Some sports fans wanted their ashes spread at places like Fenway Park or the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, which is literally the most depressing thing I've ever heard.

Here are the top three places where Texans in the survey want to go when they die, not that anyone cares:

1. The Alamo, San Antonio, Texas: Texans love the Alamo because it represents bravery and the fight for independence. Or something. Who cares?

2. Big Bend National Park, Brewster County, Texas: This park offers vast desert landscapes, mountains, and river canyons. Texans want to go here because it's peaceful and beautiful, I guess. Might as well be a nice place to dump your dead body, if you ask me.

3. Kyle Field, College Station, Texas: Texas A&M University's football stadium is apparently a popular choice for Aggies and their fans. They probably just want to escape the nightmare that is Texas and the misery of being an Aggies fan.

There you have it, folks. The dumbass responses of Texans who think their ashes belonging anywhere but the trash is "forever."