Texas to plead for poll workers: Plz Work, Thx.

The Election Assistance Commission (EAC) is urging normies to get off their lazy asses and work the polls on Thursday for their fourth annual National Poll Worker Registration Day.

"Whoop-dee-doo. Another heroic, self-congratulatory 'awareness' campaign from the feds," said everyone.

The EAC, a government agency that literally no one knew existed until now, is trying to boost its image by addressing the poll worker shortage that has plagued recent elections. God forbid we make mail-in voting easier, or automate the process, or do something that makes sense.

If you're a hopeless idealist or a masochist, and want to sign up to work the polls, you can register at HelpAmericaVote.gov. But before you do, ask yourself: "Do I really want to deal with Karen and her 'I voted' sticker demands?"

Becoming Big Brother's Helper:

Registering: First, you must be a registered voter in the state you plan to work in. In Texas, you also need to be 18 years old (16 if you're a student election official, aka teacher's pet). Oh, and you need to be a resident of the state. No immigrants need apply.

Requirements: Beyond that, requirements vary by state. Check out the EAC's massive rulebook if you're a real glutton for punishment: https://www.eac.gov/sites/default/files/2023-08/2023_Complete_Poll_Worker_Compendium.pdf

Your Soul-Crushing Duties: Poll workers greet voters, answer their questions, and bid them a fond farewell as they leave. You'll basically be a retail worker, but without the joy of selling anything meaningful.

The EAC, in its infinite wisdom, was founded after the 2000 Presidential Election to make sure such a mess never happened again. It's like putting a bandaid on a decapitated neck and calling it good. The agency was created by the 2002 Help America Vote Act as a "national clearinghouse of information on election administration." Because, you know, freedom.