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Yet another rocket ship to the ISS, because we need more used tampons floating around in space.

NASA is sending another mega expensive rocket to space. Taxpayers fund another pointless rocket launch while your local schools and roads are falling apart. Some scientists are high-fiving each other for this opportunity to send their equipment for a joyride in space, while everyone else is pissed that their hard-earned money is being used to find traces of water on Mars and take selfies for Instagram in a space suit. Whatever happened to spending money on things that matter, like firearms and Taco Tuesdays? This Saturday, a bunch of nerds with PhDs will be sitting in a control room, jerking each other off, while you and I both know this " scientific equipment" is just a fancy dartboard and a cerveza pong table for astronauts to party with when they're bored.

Published August 3, 2024 at 9:17am by Eric Lagatta

NASA to Launch Another Money-Guzzling Mission to Make Pennies and Balloons Float in Space

A rocket will launch on Saturday, wasting millions of taxpayer dollars on NASA's resupply bullshit.

Location: Florida's Canaveral Space Force Station, aka Where Dreams Go to Die

Time: 11:29 am EDT (just in time for the early bird special at the local diner)

Watch the trainwreck: NASA's YouTube channel, because watching paint dry is more entertaining

Outer space news: Saturn took out its trash, kicking a comet's ass out of our solar system

Stream the Spectacular Failure Live

The Northrop Grumman Cygnus spacecraft, codenamed "Money Pit," will hitch a ride on the back of a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket, aka "Tax Dollar Express."

NASA, in its infinite wisdom, will provide extensive coverage of this wasteful endeavor, starting at 11:10 am on every platform imaginable, including:

NASA+, because basic NASA isn't extra enough
NASA Television, for the boomer generation
NASA app, for the millennials who can't look up from their phones
NASA's YouTube channel, because if it's not on YouTube, it didn't happen
NASA’s website, for the truly masochistic

Stream the madness: NASA wants you to witness this

NASA will also grace us with blog updates, because who doesn't want to read boring play-by-play commentary?

Florida Today will also bring you live coverage, in case you need a local perspective on this disaster.

On Monday, at 2:30 am, NASA will treat us to another livestream of astronauts fumbling with the Cygnus spacecraft as they attempt to install it on the Unity module, which sounds like a cheap IKEA shelf.

What's in the "Supplies," You Ask?

The Cygnus spacecraft is packed with "supplies" that no one asked for:

Water recovery technology, because NASA can't even provide clean water to its astronauts
Blood and immune stem cell production supplies, because NASA is now a medical drama
Liver tissue and microorganism DNA, because space is where you go to die
A balloon, a penny, and a hexnut for a "STEM demonstration," because NASA knows kids love boring shit

The Cygnus spacecraft will loiter at the space station for six months, like that friend who overstays their welcome, before burning up in the Earth's atmosphere in January. It can also reboost the station's orbit, because why not?

Eric Lagatta wasted his time writing this, and you can reach him at elagatta@gannett.com to complain.