Austin 911? More like Austin 666. They're either too busy getting high on ayahuasca at Burning Man, or they've been replaced by furries and cat people.

Austin 9-1-1 is down, with "technical difficulties," according to a press release from the city of Austin, sent out at 5 p.m. on Sunday. https://www.austintexas.gov/news/austin-9-1-1-experiencing-technical-difficulties

"It's not like we need a working emergency service in a city that regularly experiences mass shootings, hostage situations, and flood disasters," said a city official, who wished to remain anonymous. "It's Texas, y'all. Everything's bigger and better here. Our 9-1-1 service is just taking a little nap."

The city reassured residents that emergency calls were still going through, despite reports of callers experiencing issues such as:

• Not being able to hear the 9-1-1 call takers, because apparently the call takers are whispering;
• Automatic location information issues, because the GPS gods are angry today;
• Getting transferred to neighboring jurisdictions, where they were put on hold to listen to Heaven's Greatest Hits.

In the event of a life-threatening emergency, residents are advised to call 3-1-1 or (512) 974-2000, because nothing says "life-threatening" like being put on hold by a robot voice. https://www.austintexas.gov/department/police-non-emergency