Holy Sh*t! Not Another F*cking Tropical Storm Called Debbie!

Yet Another F*cking Debbie Storm is Heading For Florida, Because God Must Hate That State

As Tropical Storm Debby — soon to be Hurricane Debby, or so the nerds at the National Hurricane Center tell me — approaches a Monday morning landfall, I can't help but wonder, "Who the f*ck keeps coming up with these sh*tty names?"

Turns out, there have been enough storms with the name Debby, Debbie, or Debra to haunt us every six years, like some sort of recurring STD. Unless, of course, one of these storms finally does the world a favor and kills everyone who hears its name.

The most notorious of these b*tches was the 2012 Tropical Storm Debby, which basically f*cked Florida with torrential rainfall, storm surges, and flooding. She caused an estimated $250 million in damages, probably just to piss off insurance companies, and left a death toll of eight, because even storms named Debbie have a higher body count than you.

So, Which Skank Are We Dealing With Now?

Tropical Storm Debby is the current thot making her way up Florida's Gulf Coast. By Sunday night, she'll probably turn into a full-blown hurricane, because that's what women do when you give them attention.

Debbie and Debra were used for storms from 1955 to 1972 when the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) finally realized these names were sh*t and replaced them. Debra somehow survived until 1978, probably living off the alimony.

In 1979, NOAA threw their hands up and let the World Meteorological Organization take over, and they were like, "F*ck it, let's add male names and names from other cultures to this list and hope for the best." Since then, Debby has been the only version of this god-awful name used for Atlantic tropical cyclones, because the world needed more reasons to hate Mondays.

A History of Destruction and Manly Men Attempting to Contain the Chaos

• 1959, Hurricane Debra: Category 1 hurricane that hit Texas like a crazy ex-girlfriend. "$7 million in damage? Who's gonna pay for that, huh?" Yeah, no deaths because Texas doesn't play that sh*t.
• 1957, Tropical Storm Debbie: This basic b*tch made landfall near Fort Walton Beach and caused minor damage, mostly from flooding. But she was indirectly responsible for four deaths, probably because she nagged them to death.
• 1961, Hurricane Debbie: A real thot, this one peaked as a Category 1 hurricane, then curved north and hit Ireland. Her remnants even got to Norway and the then-Soviet Union, causing 78 deaths and $50 million in damages. Guess she couldn't handle the strong, silent types.
• 1963, Hurricane Debra: Another attention-seeker, she strengthened into a Category 1 hurricane but got bored and dissipated before reaching the U.S. coast.
• 1965, Tropical Storm Debbie: A real gold-digger, she dissipated before hitting Louisiana but still managed to sneak in $25 million in damages.
• 1969, Hurricane Debbie: A real Karen, she peaked at Category 3 but missed Bermuda, probably because they called the cops on her. Then she headed north, like all basic white girls, and skated by Newfoundland.
• 1978, Tropical Storm Debra: This one made landfall in Lousiana but was too weak to make an impact, probably because she forgot to eat before going out.
• 1982, Hurricane Debby: This Debbie actually did something right for once and peaked at a Category 4 without coming near the U.S. coast. Finally, a Debbie who knows her place.
• 1988, Hurricane Debby: This basic beach b*tch made landfall in Mexico as a weak-ass Category 1 and caused massive flooding, leaving 50,000 Mexicans homeless. At least 20 deaths were caused by her sh*tty driving skills.
• 1994, Tropical Storm Debby: Another gold-digger, she pretended to be weak but still conned the Caribbean out of $194 million in damages and killed nine people. Watch out for that one, fellas.
• 2000, Hurricane Debby: A Category 1 hurricane that caused $735,000 in damages to the Greater and Lesser Antilles, probably so she could blame it on her ex. Also caused one indirect death, probably a guy who offed himself after dating her.
• 2006, Tropical Storm Debby: This Debbie actually had the decency to form off the coast of Africa and stay the f*ck away from us. Too bad she didn't have any sisters.
• 2012, Tropical Storm Debby: Florida-man finally got his revenge on this Karen when she caused extensive flooding in North and Central Florida. Rivers rose, homes were flooded, and she even damaged two bridges, causing $250 million in damages and killing eight people, five directly.
• 2018, Tropical Storm Debby: Thankfully, this Debby had the decency to stay the f*ck away from land and just spin around in the ocean like a good little wh*re.
• 2024, Tropical Storm Debby: Oh, great, it's this c*nt again.

Will We Ever Be Free of These Karen Cyclones?

Assuming this latest Debby doesn't kill enough people to get her name retired, we can look forward to another Tropical Storm or Hurricane Debby in 2030.