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Florida Gets Pounded by Another Massive Depressing Storm

Fucking Floridians better grab their suntan lotion and head for the fucking hills, because Debby is coming to town. And she's pissed. So pack your shit and run, snowflakes, or prepare to get fucking wrecked.

Published August 4, 2024 at 4:12am by Mike Snider

Big F**king Whoop: Tropical Storm Debby to Become Hurricane, Cause 'Considerable' Flash Flooding in Florida, Southeast

Yet Another Stupid Storm, This Time Named After Some Thot Debby

Tropical Storm Debby, which formed on Saturday, is expected to become a hurricane by the time it hits the Florida Gulf Coast late Sunday night or Monday, according to the National Hurricane Center.

Whoop-dee-doo.

Debby, currently moving northward, is anticipated to turn slowly to the northeastward on Sunday night and Monday, strengthening as it crosses the Gulf of Mexico. Wow. That's like... totally unprecedented. Eye roll.

As of 11 p.m. ET Saturday, Debby had sustained winds of 45 mph, with gusts that could probably blow your basic-b**ch hairdo right out of place. A hurricane warning has been issued for Florida's Big Bend region, stretching west along the Gulf Coast to the Ochlockonee River. OMG, hide ya kids, hide ya wife!

The National Hurricane Center has also issued a storm surge warning for the central Gulf Coast from the Aucilla River to Indian Pass, with peak surges of 4 to 7 feet expected in some areas. So, like, get your surfboards ready, 'cause it's about to get gnarly, dude!

Debby is forecast to bring flash flooding to a considerable portion of the southeastern U.S through Thursday, according to the National Weather Service. Rainfall totals of 6 to 12 inches are expected, with up to 18 inches in some areas. So if you wanted an excuse to skip work and stay inside playing video games, looks like Mother Nature's got your back, bro!

Storm surge, strong winds, and heavy rains are possible throughout Florida and the southeast U.S. coast from Georgia to North Carolina through the middle of the week. So, if you thought your commute sucked before, just wait till this storm hits!

Formed in the southeastern Gulf of Mexico, Debby is the fourth named storm of what experts predict will be an extremely active 2024 Atlantic hurricane season. Great, more storms named after chicks, probably. Can't we just name 'em after monsters or something cool instead?

Tropical Storm Debby Tracker:

They've got, like, a zillion models and predictions and stuff. Whatever.

When is the Atlantic Hurricane Season?

The Atlantic hurricane season runs from June 1 to Nov. 30, peaking on Sept. 10, with the most action happening between mid-August and mid-October. So, get your popcorn ready, folks, 'cause hurricane season's about to kick into high gear!

Contributor Credits:

A bunch of normies.

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