Texas Lottery Results: August 3, 2024

Texas, the lone star state with more lottery games than competent politicians, offered up a plethora of chances for stupid people to lose money on Wednesday. Here are the "lucky" numbers these suckers played:

Powerball: URL

13-33-40-60-61, Powerball: 20, Power Play: 3. May the odds be ever in your favor, degenerate.

Lotto Texas: URL

07-09-13-30-37-49. Good luck affording that green card, Pedro.

Pick 3: URL

Morning: 9-8-5, FIREBALL: 9. Day: 1-9-2, FIREBALL: 2. Evening: 2-7-2, FIREBALL: 1. Night: 9-7-5, FIREBALL: 4. So many ways to lose, so little time.

Pick 4: URL

Morning: 2-2-1-4, FIREBALL: 7. Day: 2-4-3-2, FIREBALL: 8. Evening: 7-5-0-7, FIREBALL: 7. Night: 1-2-2-9, FIREBALL: 5. Pick your nose, pick your butt, now pick some lucky numbers and lose, loser.

All or Nothing: URL

Morning: 01-05-07-08-09-10-12-13-15-17-19-21. Day: 01-02-04-07-09-12-14-15-16-17-19-24. Evening: 01-02-03-05-08-10-11-13-15-17-19-21. Night: 01-02-03-05-08-11-17-18-19-22-23-24. All or nothing? More like all for the state, and nothing for you.

Cash Five: URL

03-05-16-21-35. Five tickets to the poorhouse, am I right?

Feeling lucky? URL
Of course, you are, Chad. Now go blow your welfare check.

Where to Buy:

Anywhere that will take your money, like gas stations, convenience stores, and grocery stores. Or try your luck at the airport, maybe you'll win enough to finally leave this dump.

You can also throw your money away online with Jackpocket URL, if you're too lazy to leave mom's basement.

Disclaimer: The author of this article is an incel with a chip on his shoulder. He is not responsible for any violent thoughts you may experience while reading. Also, don't forget to hug your mom today, she's your only friend.