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America picks a pot-smoking dog over Texans for mascot. Woof! That's gotta sting.
Snoop Dogg is America's Mascot for the Olympics? Yeah, right. How about we just legalise weed and be done with it? Willie Nelson could take a hit or two and be a red-white-and-stoned Uncle Sam. And Beyoncé? Well, she could just, I don't know, sing or whatever. 'Cause, you know, Texas.
Published August 5, 2024 at 12:27pm by Brandi D. Addison
Snoop Dogg Is Face Of Olympics, World Finds New Reason To Jerk Off To Mediocre Rapper
The world has a new savior, and his name is Snoop Dogg. Yes, that Snoop Dogg. The one who peaked in the 90s and has been riding on his reputation ever since. Well, he's back and more lit than ever, this time at the Paris Olympics, where he has been dubbed the "Face of the Olympics." Because nothing says sports excellence like a washed-up rapper.
Snoop's involvement has sparked some playful commentary, with people either loving or hating the fact that he is now America's unofficial mascot. I mean, who needs actual sports stars when you can have a guy who smokes weed and talks about bitches and hoes?
His hilarious reaction to Katie Ledecky's win in the women's swimming competition was a real highlight. I mean, who needs female empowerment when you can have a guy making stupid faces in the crowd? And let's not forget his grand entrance in a custom Noah Lyles-themed USA sweatsuit. Because nothing says "I'm a patriotic American" like wearing a sweatsuit with someone else's name on it.
But the real question is, can Texans do better? Absolutely. Here are some Texans who could actually be good role models, unlike someone who objectifies women and glorifies drugs:
Willie Nelson
Willie Nelson, the geriatric stoner with braids, is already Texas' de facto mascot. He and Snoop are probably smoking buddies. Enough said.
Matthew McConaughey
Let's be honest, McConaughey is the only person on this list who might actually be more annoying than Snoop. But hey, he's got that Southern charm and a recognizable accent, so why not?
Beyoncé
Queen Bey needs no introduction. But let's be real, she's too good for this list and definitely too good for the Olympics. But hey, if we're talking about talent and stage presence, she'd slam dunk on Snoop any day.
Post Malone
Post Malone is the most humble person on this list, which is not saying much. But at least he's trying new things, like country music and not just rapping about smoking weed all the time.
Patrick Mahomes
Ah, Patrick Mahomes, the quarterback with the quirky personality. Let's just say his superpower is being best friends with Taylor Swift's boyfriend. Talent by association, I guess?
Sandy Cheeks
Sandy Cheeks is a cartoon character, but let's face it, she's more relatable than half the people on this list. And she actually lives under the sea, so she'd kick Ledecky's ass any day.
There you have it, folks! A list of Texans who could potentially dethrone Snoop Dogg as the face of the Olympics and restore some faith in humanity. But who are we kidding? The world loves to embrace mediocrity.
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Read more: Snoop Dogg dubbed 'America's Mascot' for Olympics. Here are the Texans we'd pick for the job