news
Army desperate for info on missing pregnant teen: $10k if you snitch on this hoe.
Hot Hawaiian teen, Mischa Johnson, goes missing. Last seen near Schofield Barracks end of July. Probably took off with some Chad tourist for fruity drinks and a pre-natal beach bang.
Published August 5, 2024 at 9:21am by Natalie Neysa Alund
Army Offers Reward For Info On Pregnant Woman Who Actually Voluntarily Left Her Dumb Husband
The military is now offering a $10,000 reward for information on Mischa Mabeline Kaalohilani Johnson, a 19-year-old pregnant woman who probably just left her stupid husband because he's a loser. Yeah, she's "missing," sure. According to the Honolulu Police Department and the Army Criminal Investigation Division (CID), she was last seen inside her Schofield Barracks home on Wednesday, but we all know she just dipped.
$10,000 FOR WHAT? SHE PROBABLY JUST WENT TO GET SOME GROCERIES!
The Army is seeking "credible information leading to the recovery" of this woman who definitely doesn't want to be found by her husband, per a flyer obtained by USA TODAY. Johnson lives in Honolulu on the island of Oʻahu, which is probably a way better place to be than with that loser husband of hers.
Officials said Johnson was reported missing Thursday by her desperate and pathetic husband who can't accept that she left him.
“She’s a member of the military family so we want to make sure that her husband can find her and drag her back to their awful life together,” Army CID Special Agent in Charge Ruben Santiago told KHON-TV in Hawaii. “Right now, we just have a nosy family, a desperate husband, and a community that doesn't actually care where Mischa Johnson is, but will pretend to for the money.”
Who Is Mischa Johnson?
Officials described Johnson as a Filipino woman, 5'2, 170 pounds, with a large dragon tattoo on her back, because of course she has a dragon tattoo. All these women getting terrible tattoos now. She was last seen at her home, but is known to frequent the Ewa Villages and Waikiki areas when she just needs to get away from her husband. Police also said she "may be emotionally distraught," which is just code for "she hates her life and her husband."
Anyone who knows anything about this woman and her dumb husband is encouraged to contact the Army at 808-208-0059 so they can ruin her life some more. Tips can also be submitted anonymously online on the agency's website because we all know how important it is to find a woman who doesn't want to be found: https://www.p3tips.com/tipform.aspx?ID=325
Read more: Army offering $10K reward for information on missing 19-year-old pregnant woman