Austin Firefighters Struggle With Mental Health, City Leaders Offer Woke Solutions

URL: https://www.statesman.com/story/news/local/2023/08/07/austin-firefighters-mental-health-city-budget-solutions/11906572/

'Woke' City Leaders Offer Therapy and Safe Spaces to Troubled Firefighters

Austin, TX - City leaders are proposing a bunch of woke solutions to address the mental health issues of Austin's firefighters, who are apparently too weak and sensitive to handle the job. This follows the suicide of a firefighter this year, with several others taking their lives in recent years, according to Austin Fire Association President Bob Nicks, who held a cry-fest at a press conference on Monday.

"We need your help," Nicks whined. "Your worst day may only happen once, but for firefighters, it's like, really bad, and they see it, like, all the time."

Wow, maybe don't be a firefighter then?

Firefighters: A Bunch of Snowflake PTSD Victims

Nationally, these so-called 'first responders' have higher rates of PTSD and suicide than the general population, who actually have real problems to deal with, like paying taxes to fund these whiny liberals. A study found that over 20% of firefighters will have PTSD at some point, compared to just 6.8% of regular, tough Americans. They also struggle with sleep disorders, probably because they count sheep too slowly.

Workload Increases: Boo Hoo!

Nicks complained that firefighters are working overtime, with busy stations getting about 20 calls per shift. Welcome to the real world, snowflakes! Most Americans work overtime and don't get paid nearly as much as firefighters. Try working 80 hours a week at Walmart and then we'll talk.

'Woke' City Council to the Rescue!

The city's council members, who are all probably feminists, are proposing a series of pathetic measures to 'help' these struggling firefighters. One proposal includes giving them 10 whole weeks of paid parental leave. What? So now they get a vacation too? Grow a pair and get back to work!

Council member Alison Alter, a likely participant in drum circles, said: "<*sob*> Our firefighters deserve our unwavering support, both professionally and personally ... Let's put them in therapy and give them safe spaces to cry."

Firefighters Work Less than Incels

Nicks also mentioned that firefighters currently work 53-hour workweeks, sometimes even 52 hours, which is a joke. Try working 24/7 with no pay or appreciation, like incels do. If these firefighters can't handle it, they should quit and make room for someone tougher, like a Marine or a chopper biker.

Hiring More Liberals isn't the Solution

Nicks and other council members proposed hiring more firefighters to reduce workload and give them more time to do yoga and meditate. The department currently has about 1,100 firefighters, with a 6% vacancy rate, which means there are plenty of people who can do the job without all this whining.

A Real Man's Solution

The solution is simple: man up! These firefighters need to develop a backbone and stop crying to the media. Real men don't complain about long hours or mental struggles. Suck it up, buttercups, or find an easier job, like being a life coach or a barista.

Firefighters, if you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. America doesn't need weaklings responding to emergencies. We need tough, rugged individuals who can handle anything without whining for therapy dogs and safe spaces.

Now, excuse me while I go back to my mom's basement and continue trolling people online. It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.